Actor-comedian Mallika Dua spills the tea on her love life

Actor-comedian Mallika Dua has been wowing the audience with her sense of humour and stand-up comic acts. She became a household name with the viral video of Shit People Say: Sarojini Nagar Edition. And, there was no turning back for her after that. Since then she has collaborated with stand-up comic groups like All India Bakchod, appeared on various web series like Girliyapa, Why Should Hot Girls Have All the Fun?, The Trip, and movies like Hindi Medium, Namaste London and Zero. Currently, the actor-comedian is seen playing a love guru of sorts to Kiara Advani in Indoo Ki Jawani. Here she gets candid about her love life, the movie and more... Excerpts from the interview:

Like your character in Indoo Ki Jawani, are you good at giving advice to people on their love life?

Apparently, I am. Though, my own love life is non-existent. I have not at all mastered the act of batting my eyes at a guy or to flirt effectively — but I can really advice people on the said topic. My sister, who is a therapist, tells me ‘all the advice you give is so good, why don’t you apply it to your life?’ You see, I am a very selfless person, I have so much great advice, but I just give it all away.

So you are not dating anyone?

I haven’t dated in a while. I am so used to living by my own rules that I doubt it will be easy finding someone…

We would love to know what you are looking for in a guy...

A lot of people laugh when I say this, but the next guy I date has to be up for a live-in relationship in a 3BHK in Mumbai — where I would be occupying two rooms, since I have to have a separate place for my clothes, shoes and accessories, and, of course, my space. I will be willing to share the third bedroom with him (laughs).

When I was younger, having a guy was just about love-shove that melts your heart. But that’s the idyllic kind of amateur love. I am in a space where I want to know how he will be contributing to my life. There is this cliché dialogue everyone tells you that when you find the right person, he will complete you. Well, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I am already complete. I would want someone who adds to my life.

Jokes apart, what are the must haves and definite No in your man?

First, he should not be a brat, he should be financially independent, or at least, he should have a plan and willing to work hard for it, cannot be someone who just knows to spend someone else’s hard-earned money. He has to be very, very respectful towards woman — even a stray comment here or there is a straight-off no for me. Many women claim ‘main sudhar dungi usko baad mein’ — I cannot do this. I want an equal; I don’t want to babysit someone. I think you can tell why I am single.

One more thing, a sense of humour would be great too, one gets tired after a point, when you are always expected to make people laugh. I don’t have the strength to make someone laugh in my real, mundane life. So, it would be great if there is someone who could make me feel lighter at the end of the day. Basically, my checklist caters to one simple fact: Will I be able to live with that person? If you cannot spend time with that person then what is the point? One needs to have some common habits. I cannot stand people who talk very loudly, listen to loud music or just generally are very loud. I operate on a low frequency unlike the characters I play… I am a very ‘ek light aur ek candle jalake chup chaap kamre mein baitho’ types.

You just mentioned how people expect you to be funny all the time, does that bother you?

If you are dating someone seriously or someone who really knows you, then I don’t think you will have that pressure to put on a show for them. It is mostly work relationships wherein such things get tedious.

What if your date is going south, do you get your sense of humour to play?

If the date is going badly, then I make sure I put my sadu-side forward, not my funny side, else he will think I am enjoying it too much. I don’t want to give a wrong impression to the man I will be ditching… The sense of humour kicks in when the date is over — I have all this content, ab main uska kya karoongi?

What’s your modus operandi on a date?

Comedy only...comedy for me is as much an armour, as it is a mask or a weapon, it is every thing for me. It is my way of establishing that I am different from the rest. If I like the guy, or where it’s going, I try to be funnier!

There is this cliché dialogue everyone tells you that when you find the right person, he will complete you. Well, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I am already complete.

Are you on any dating sites?

Before I moved to Mumbai, I was a veteran on dating sites. When I was working in advertising as a copywriter, I used to think how will I meet people like this, I don’t like to go out partying, I am at work all day and then I go home — so I joined some dating apps. I had seen a lot of people actually find someone, and even get married through these apps. I ended up dating someone for a decent time through this. But, mostly these sites are timepass. I used to be sitting at office, and my boss would be like ‘why are you giggling, Dua?’ Because full day I used to be in this faltoo timepass.

Met anyone annoying on dating sites?

Oh yes, the ones who keep insisting ‘let’s go for coffee!’ You tell them anything and they will end the chat with, lets meet. There was this one guy who actually told me, ‘You are too independent Mallika, that’s the problem. You cannot be a unit with another person!’ I don’t want to abuse right now, but I gave him a very fitting word, in response.

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