Where on earth, literally, will this Nithyananda's ‘Kailasa’ house 2 billion people?

Where on earth, literally, will this Nithyananda's ‘Kailasa’ house 2 billion people?

Inspired by United States of Kailasa’s representation at UN events, the author delves into the possibility of the nation of two billion being in a virtual universe and the brands that could move in.

Prashant RamamurthyUpdated: Monday, March 06, 2023, 07:53 PM IST
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Prashant Ramamurthy, Co-founder, Bean Song Coffee |

Recent photos of an “all women delegation from the United States of Kailasa” (USK) to the UN took the world by storm. Not because it was an all-women team headed by its ‘Permanent Representative’ Vijayapriya Nithyananda or any such neanderthal notion. But because it was such fluid imagination from the mind that said ‘Geography is Biology’ or something so profound, that my limited cranial capacity is still taking time to fathom the depths of such a metaphysical concept.

The idea of a permanent representation defies logic at so many levels. Where on earth – literally – will this ‘Kailasa’ house two billion people? At this point an evil genius friend propounds a mind-numbing theory. According to him, housing two billion is the least of the worries, because Kailasa is in the metaverse. Welcome to Web 4.0! 

Lost? You are not able to understand because this is the next level of spiritualism. Metaverse is the closest one can get to ‘giving up the physical human form’. You can become a replica – albeit a poor one – of your soul.

It was all beginning to make sense now. The synaptic connection in the small crevices of my limited cranium were now beginning to light up slowly, and then rapidly, like the fireworks of Diwali light up the skies. 

If this were to be true, what are the brands that could immediately move in and make our lives so much more remarkable in Kailasa, in the metaverse? Assuming that life is mostly going to be on a beach in the blessed land, here goes.

Sunglasses: Because we will be making this island nation our home, rumour has it that a leading manufacturer is launching a pair of way-farers that comes with an option to play ‘high frequency’ chants which will be audible only to the wearer of the sunglasses. Connectivity is an option for those who would like to share the experience.

Leisure wear: Beaches aren’t great for suits. So, the ‘formal’ attire in the entire island nation will be shorts, stylish dhotis, sarongs. Made from smart fabric, they will change colour instantly to meet the moods of the wearer.

Skin blockers: Most of the nation will be outdoors. So sun blockers will be mandatory. Available in Mogra, Holy Ash and Marigold fragrances, among others. 

ATVs: Beaches can be tricky for travel. Hence, it is officially declared electric All Terrain Vehicles will be the mode of transport. It is reliably learnt that the official tagline of the manufacturer will be: ‘To the end of Kailasa and back. In one piece’.

Footwear: Will footwear be allowed in such a holy land? Assuming it is, on sandy surfaces, one needs comfortable yet practical footwear. A leading manufacturer has showcased a range of flip flops that can be controlled via an app. Log in your itinerary for your day, and the flip flops will ensure you flip flop to your destination on time, comfortably.

Jewellery: Where divinity meets modernity. All jewellery on the island nation will be smart; DNA-coded so will not fit anybody else (aiso, so nobody can rob you). The adornments will also shape-shift to suit surroundings and occasions. All citizens are free to hoard – sorry, have as many pieces of jewellery as desired.

Yoga Mats: Real estate and hotel brands are in for a raw deal. Residents have such big hearts that they do not need hotels, notes a rather disappointed executive of a leading hospitality chain. But there is good news for yoga mat makers. People will always carry one, spread it where they find their calling and make it their space for the day / night. 

Coffee:  The residents of the island nation believe coffee stimulates the mind. A stimulated mind is full of ideas. Ideas make the world go around. So naturally, everybody seems to like coffee. We at Bean Song would love to be their brew of choice, even if only in a virtual universe. 

(The author is Co-founder, Bean Song Coffee. This piece is meant as a lighthearted work of pure fiction, meant only for the purpose of amusement. No offence is meant and none should be taken.)

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