How I Met My Partner: Sneha Desai On How Art Brought Her & Alap Together

Sneha Desai is an eminent Gujarati playwright and also the writer of the film Maharaj, and the lapped-by-the-audience Laapataa Ladies, which was India’s official entry to the Oscars in 2025. Sneha has won a clutch of screenwriting awards in quick succession. Her coming film is the biggie Ek Din, an Aamir Khan Production. Both Sneha and her husband Alap are film buffs; Maqbool is their favourite film. Sneha breaks into peals of laughter when she says, “Our relationship is like the film we saw last — Dhurandhar. I am pragmatic and he is a diehard romantic. And yes, he is demonstrative; I like that.”

How did you meet your husband Alap?

I met Alap years back when both of us were in NM College — he was a year ahead of me. We met during a rehearsal — he was playing music for a play that I was acting in.

What was your initial reaction when you met Alap?

What I noticed immediately about him was his jovial personality — he laughed with his eyes, and he had a full-throated laugh. There was also a certain dignity in his responses, which was quite different from the other college guys — he used to call others ‘Aap’, and there was a lot of respect in his behaviour towards his fellow students and colleagues.

Was yours a love marriage or was it arranged?

We had a love marriage.

Who played Cupid?

Nobody. We participated in most of the college cultural activities together, so it was a natural progression from being really good friends and spending a lot of time together discussing things that we liked… I think it was a foregone conclusion for both of us that we were in love.

Where did you go for your first date?

There wasn’t really a formal first date. Our performances for the IPTA competition are what you can call our first date because we travelled together back and forth for the show.

Who proposed marriage?

I think the two of us just told each other that we are in for the long haul. We dated for almost seven years before we got married, but as I said, it wasn’t really dating. We were just such close friends that, at the end of it, marriage seemed to be the only logical and spiritual conclusion to the kind of relationship that we had.

At what age did you get married?

We would’ve ideally wanted a little more time for the courtship, but that was not to be. We wanted to get married, though we were quite young at that time. I was 22 and he was 23 when we got married. Alap was still in the throes of finishing his MBA.

Did you have to make any lifestyle changes after marriage?

Yes, a few. Alap’s parents are great musicians of the Gujarati music industry, so his house has lots of literary guests and poets. Music sessions, rehearsals and baithaks keep happening. This world was completely unknown to me, as I come from a hard-core corporate family. People just walking in unannounced and staying back for lunches and dinners, pots of tea and coffee being boiled on the stove — it was all unknown to me. But it has been a very pleasurable change.

Is Alap a gifts person?

Yes. Initially, it was about birthdays and anniversaries and special days, but now, if he likes something, he just gets it for me. He travels a lot for shows and he’s quite quick about picking up gifts — not just for me, but for a lot of people — his friends, his colleagues and his staff.

Who apologises first after a fight?

Both of us introspect, and whoever is wrong apologises. I believe one must not sleep over a fight, but I am also the one who sulks a little longer.

How has your relationship changed from the time you both were girlfriend-boyfriend?

We have been together for almost 27–28 years now, so a big chunk of our 45 years on earth has been spent with each other. Now we read each other’s faces. There’s a comfort zone. Now it’s about culturally nourishing each other. There has been a lot about maturing and growing up over time.

Who is more possessive?

Alap likes to keep a tab; he wants to know where I’m going and when I’m going to be back. He is certainly more possessive.

Who is the cleanliness freak?

I am. Both Alap and my son Kavit are pretty disorganised. They don’t seem to find anything wrong with a room when I can find 1,000 things that are out of their place.

Love for me is… Understanding, surrender, and the right balance of challenge and comfort.