Why Has Intimacy Changed? Expert Advice On Sex, Marriage & Emotional Bonds

I am a 36-year-old married woman with two children. Lately, my husband prefers to sleep on the living room sofa. I find this very upsetting. SK, Navi Mumbai

Agreed, his not coming close to you in bed upsets you. It could be due to stress, office pressures, relationship issues, low feelings, and physical factors like tiredness, fatigue, health issues like blood pressure or diabetes. You need to evaluate these basic parameters and see if there is change in his behaviour overall, other than sexual activity. Wise is not to judge him and assume things.

Talk to him with respect and express your care and concern, which will eventually empower him. It will help him pour out his heart. Men usually face issues with erection which puts them off. They go into the avoidance mechanism and fear entering the bedroom. If the problem persists, you can consult a sexologist.

I am in my 40s and have a regular sex life. Of late, my wife does not take the initiative and the entire exercise is mechanical. What should I do? SN, Mazgaon

Nice of you to ask, ‘What should I do?’ It shows your concern for her. Her indifference shows she is not interested in sex at present. She is just giving in as she is unable to refuse. She too is in some coping process. It can be due to emotional factors or hormonal changes. Emotional factors may be stress or she is pissed off with you, feeling hurt, facing family issues or with children. The female body faces hormonal changes in the 40s due to menopause.

The bodily and mental changes are due to the roller-coaster of oestrogen-progesterone. If she is not showing interest, it is good to refrain for some time. She might be wanting you in different ways like you caring, cuddling, talking and you actively listening to her. Going for a small walk or a small vacation where togetherness matters more than physical activity will be of great help. Intimacy means not only being physical, it can be your emotional support too. Rule out any medical issues. Give her your time and she will regain her mood back as sexual desires vary during menopause.

I am a happily married woman. Now 10 years after marriage, I am now developing interest in another woman. Is this healthy? NS, Andheri East

Developing attraction and desire for the same gender stems from different sexual orientations. Nothing is right or wrong. Don’t blame yourself and feel guilty. All women don’t feel the same way... right? It’s something which triggered sexual feelings for her. Wait. Pause. Take it as a passing phase. And let time speak.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com

To get details on exclusive and budget-friendly property deals in Mumbai & surrounding regions, do visit: https://budgetproperties.in/