This Toxic Dating Trend Called 'Seagulling' Is Breaking Hearts: What You Need To Know

You know that one person who doesn't really want you, but also doesn’t want anyone else to have you? Welcome to the world of seagulling, the latest dating behaviour that’s got everyone talking. It’s the kind of situation where you’re left hanging in between, with just enough attention to stay but never enough clarity to move forward. It's confusing, emotionally draining, and leaves people stuck in a loop of "what are we?"

What is 'Seagulling'?

The term 'seagulling' is inspired by how seagulls behave. These seabirds swoop in, grab what they want, and don't necessarily need it but don't want anyone else to have it either. In dating, it describes someone who isn't genuinely interested in a relationship with you but still sticks around just enough to keep you from moving on.

Think of it like this: they'll text occasionally, show up when it suits them, maybe even go on dates, but without any real intention of commitment. The connection never deepens, yet it never fully ends either.

How does it show up in dating?

Seagulling can be subtle, which is why it's easy to miss at first. It might look like mixed signals, someone who disappears and reappears, offers just enough attention to keep your hopes alive, or acts like you’re "taken" without actually being in a relationship with you.

In some cases, it even happens after a breakup. The person may have moved on emotionally but continues to linger in your life, making it harder for you to close that chapter and meet someone new.

Why is it considered toxic?

At its core, seagulling is about control without commitment. As per Psychology Today, the person benefits from your presence, whether it’s companionship, validation, or convenience, while giving very little in return. It creates a one-sided dynamic where one person stays emotionally invested while the other keeps things intentionally vague.

There's also an element of possessiveness. By hovering around, they subtly block others from getting close to you, feeding their ego and maintaining a sense of influence over your life.

Over time, this can leave you feeling stuck, confused, and emotionally exhausted. And that’s exactly why 'seagulling' is being called out as a major red flag in today’s dating scene, because sometimes, the hardest thing isn’t letting go; it's realising you were never truly held on to.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice.