Stress, Expectations, & Sex: Addressing Premature Ejaculation Effectively

I am a 30-year-old man and suffer from premature ejaculation which leads to unsatisfied sex. What is the remedy?

Premature ejaculation is a condition experienced by a few, but misinterpreted by the majority. The normal time between insertion of penis and ejaculation is one to three minutes only. It is never as shown in porn. Men’s psyche is penis-centred. They feel more the number of thrusts, more manly factors they have. When unable to perform for long, as per their own expectations, they are crestfallen and avoid sexual intimacy.

So what matters is, are you more interested in increasing the number of strokes or in giving your partner the climax she desires? The most common reasons for premature ejaculation are high excitement levels, unrealistic expectations, long window periods, stress, illness, relationship discord, performance anxiety, lack of privacy or lack of confidence.

So figure out your reason first. As you are young, it is wise to work on it naturally. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, practise kegels, and start-and-stop technique. Visit a sexologist if the problem persists. You can read on my website in detail mydoctortells.com/pe

My husband insists on oral sex, which I find disgusting. How do I dissuade him? JS, Colaba

Everyone has fantasies and wishes to enjoy them with their partner. If you dislike it, say ‘no’. He is your hubby who loves and respects you. Tell him you are not okay with oral sex at this moment. Gradually, you may become comfortable. Couples enjoy oral sex and it is a simple way of having orgasm without intercourse, thus avoiding the stress of unwanted pregnancy. It is not dirty or wrong. If you do it under pressure, it will eventually harm you. Your mood for sex may decrease with time. You too may have fantasies which are very normal. Communicating the right emotion at the right time, is the mantra of a happy marriage and sex life. Sex is about giving and taking pleasure.

I am a 56-year-old spinster who was celibate all throughout. Now a neighbour is showing interest in having sex. Is it safe? TPK, Matunga

If you are interested in having sex, it is okay. Feel normal to move ahead. Just take basic precaution,. use a condom to prevent sexually transmitted diseases/ infections.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com