'Sex-starved Marriages Can Be Painful': Expert Answers Most Intimate Concerns In Married Couples

We are in our early 50s and my husband shows no interest in sex. I sometimes cry alone, feeling dejected. What can I do? C.V, Chembur

The human body is ruled by hormones, which can sometimes behave like a roller coaster. Since both of you are in your 50s, you may be passing through a transition phase in life. We all know about women’s menopause; similarly, men too go through andropause, though it is less spoken about. They may experience mood changes, low energy, low libido and erection issues. What I mean to say is that his behaviour may not be about you personally. Do not take it to heart or feel rejected. Sex is definitely an important part of intimacy and a healthy marriage, but sometimes understanding and emotionally supporting each other matters even more. This midlife phase is not the end of love or intimacy.

We have been married for five years, and my wife has shown zero interest in sex for the last year. We otherwise understand each other well. I feel very frustrated. Kindly guide. M.P, Andheri

A sex-starved marriage can be painful for both partners. You may both be suffering silently and living more like roommates. Having a good understanding does not always rule out emotional or interpersonal issues. Such situations usually develop gradually – from intimacy once a week, to once a month, until couples hardly remember when they last had sex. Often, suppressed unresolved issues, resentment, pregnancy, work stress, or mental exhaustion create emotional blocks.

Sometimes, it can simply be difficult for a woman to feel romantic when her mind is occupied with childcare, household responsibilities, or work. Try reducing her mental load and engage in nonsexual intimacy where she feels loved, valued, and respected. Communicate openly, listen actively, and work on filling the emotional gaps in the relationship. Timely healing and professional guidance can help rebuild intimacy.

I am unable to have intercourse with my wife. It has been four months since our marriage. What should we do? K.K, Dadar

An unconsummated marriage is not uncommon. It is often assumed that the man must actively perform while the wife remains passive, but the reality is that there are two sides to the issue. In men, common causes include ejaculation before penetration, loss of erection during insertion or performance anxiety – such as worrying, “Will I be able to do it?” In women, common causes include fear of intercourse, pain, fear of hymen tear or vaginismus – an involuntary spasm of vaginal muscles when anything touches the vagina. The best step is to consult a sexologist who can properly assess the issue. With guided therapy, most couples are able to consummate the marriage successfully. However, any relevant medical history should also be evaluated.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to sexmatters1234@gmail.com