Marital Intimacy Issues: Understanding Desire, Consent & Communication Gaps

For some inexplicable reason my husband has stopped having Intercourse. He is 56 and I am 47 years old. When I asked him he was not forthcoming with a reply. Please advise. RD, Khar

There has to be a genuine reason for his behaviour which needs to be understood from a medical point of view. It is definitely a point of confusion and worry for you as he has stopped getting physically intimate with you. The most common reason is: As fem - ales pass through menopau - se, men too pass through hormone changes called Andro - pause. It leads to decrease in testosterone and reduced desire, mood changes or erection issues. Difficulty in getting erection leads to an avoidance mechanism.

He stops physical intimacy. Other reasons can be pressure at work, family discord, physical health issues, etc. He still loves you the same but is unable to express physically. You cannot be his teacher here. On your asking, he feels ashamed and it hits him bad at heart. Silence too will create a gap in the relationship. Best is to take professional help. It is very simple. A sexologist will listen to you both and a right pill will solve his problem. And bedroom life will spice up again.

My husband insists on oral sex as part of foreplay. But I detest it. In fact I find it a sick thing to do. What should I do? AS, Thane

Most men enjoy oral sex. So they insist on their partner. It is absolutely normal. All have their own sexual preferences. Here, he likes oral sex but you find it sick. The act is between you both in which one likes and the other dislikes. One can give it a try if possible with the thought of giving pleasure. If you feel sick, please do not give-in. You may do it under pressure, or for his sake once or twice. But eventually it will make you feel disgusting, building resentment.

And you may start avoiding getting intimate with him in the near future. Here, you too refrain from sex which you deserve. So express your sexual feelings other than oral sex. Communicate honestly for a long term happy marriage life. Your simply saying 'No' makes him feel offended. So talk..speak your mind softly. Take help of a sex-counsellor if needed as, relationship must not take a down graph. There is always a way out, what matters more is the togetherness.

My wife has come under the spell of a Godman and ever since then she thinks it's unclean to have sex. I try to reason with her, in vain. Please help. HS, Chembur

So called religious Godman, preach sex as a dirty and sinful act. You cannot make her unlearn what she is learning presently. Please do not spoil the relationship for sex as of now. You haven't mentioned your age. Figure out why she is carried away by such a person. See how you can give her time and focus on a healthy relationship. Love and sex will automatically flow back.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to sexmatters1234@gmail.com