Sex Matters: Navigating Lights, Porn, & Fading Desire In Marriage

My husband wants the lights turned on during sex. I resent it and this results in unpleasantness. What should I do? LD, Andheri

Relationships work best when one respects the other. He wants lights on and you want them off. You both are right at your ends as per your interest. Wise is to find a centre point where you both can enjoy sex. Like having lights dim, candle lights, colourful side table lights. As sex is a common act, both must enjoy equally. Always feel free and learn to express to him whatever is in your mind. Listen to him too. Exchanging thoughts takes forward the bond in a smoother way. If you continue the pattern of lights-on, with time your mood will get switched off for sex. So, don’t be submissive, which affects long term relationships.

My wife watches a lot of porn and she expects me to stay inside her for as long as shown in these films. I tell her that these are edited films, but she refuses to understand. What should I do? RS, Thane

You are absolutely right, Porn leads to unrealistic expectations in sex. Porn sex is not the real sex. Nowadays, the visuals of porn are taking over the minds and one expects it that way. Sorry to say, but your explaining her will not benefit you and it will hamper your sex life and emotional relationship, too. Wise will be to meet a sexologist who will listen to both of you in detail and assess. It is difficult to answer: Is her desire/need more? Is your desire/capacity less? Let sexologists do their job as the right key opens the lock properly. As porn leads to unrealistic expectations, it is impossible for you to fulfil. Eventually you will go into the avoidance mechanism and shun her. It will affect your mental health as well.

We have been married only two years but we are already losing interest in each other. We are in our mid-thirties. LS, Chembur

Juices drying up in mid-30s and just two years of married life is not normal. You need to focus on your relationship and sex life. Work routine takes away most of our energies and drains us. Both of you must make an individual list of what is draining and pulling things behind. Figure out together what and where the problem lies. Is it something in the relationship, or stress, fatigue, work pressure, illness, pregnancy plans, etc. Adjust the routine, if needed. Spending time together and talking openly while actively listening to each other opens up closed doors. If not, meet a sexologist who will figure out the missing points and join dots for you. You are young and must have a satisfying sex life.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com

Published on: Monday, February 16, 2026, 10:54 AM IST