Guiding Light: Healing from echoes of the past

A memory from the past flashes in front of you, not a very pleasant one at that, and you’re suddenly transported into that altercation where someone said something very nasty to you. Your hair stands on end, and your skin begins to crawl, as you relive every detail of that moment in HD, down to every word that was said. And just like that, a flash from the past can ruin the present, no matter how perfect and fulfilling it may be.

We’ve all had those traumatic experiences where someone was completely unjustified in the way they conducted themselves with us, putting us through shame and embarrassment. Maybe they didn’t make much of it, because they weren’t thinking, or that’s just the way they operate. But it’s us that has to live with that scar, and even though much time has passed, some scars refuse to heal.

When examined with an objective mind, we realise that a lot of the time, it's us that’s keeping those ghosts from the past alive, giving voice to the insults that were hurled at us. Each time we replay that incident in our head, saying those words to ourselves again, they pierce deeper, exacerbating the shame, guilt or pain that we originally felt. A recipe for revenge begins to brew, or a descent into a lack of self-worth ensues.

The only way to break this chain is realising that others have only as much power over us as we choose to give them. That who we are doesn’t change based on what one unkind person said to us, sometimes years ago. That we deserve all the good things in life as much as the next person.

And sometimes, we may just need help, it could be a friend who can lend a kind listening ear, at other times however we may need more than that. The stigma surrounding mental health and seeking help prevents many from reaching out to a counsellor, but in actual fact, it’s just another part of you that needs help, like a tooth in excruciating pain. You do need to be honest with yourself and acknowledge it, when a repeating pattern is stalling you from making progress, and seek that help that you need. For the hurt that ravages parts of you that others can’t see, can cause far more irreparable damage, the longer you leave it.

Published on: Saturday, July 23, 2022, 06:00 AM IST