Dr. Anjali Chhabria Answers Personal Queries.

Quarrelling sibblings

Dr. Anjali Chhabria Answers Personal Queries.

Hi. I am a 46 years old housewife. I have two children, 15 and 18 years old. Everything is pretty normal. My husband and I have a good relation. But my kids fight a lot. Even over small matters. They both are very close and also care for each other. They infact help each other out when in trouble. But when they also fight a lot and very often. And I get so tensed and hyper myself that I think I might be adding to their fight. But shouldn’t I be involved in sorting out their problem? What if it becomes worse? My husband thinks that I interfere and my kids also get very irritated. Do I need to change myself?

Hello. It is very common for siblings to get into arguments and verbal fights at any age. It sounds like your children are very close to each other and also share a good understanding level such that they support each other in difficult times. The relationship between you and your husband is good and between you both as parents and children also seems to be good giving the children a positive home environment. Hence, the fights between your children do not seem to be something to worry about in this case.

It is possible that when your kids were younger, they did not know how to resolve a fight and you would have to step in as a mediator. However, your children seem to share a good rapport and seem able to resolve a fight on their own without the help of an intermediary. It is advisable to give your children a chance to determine how they would like to resolve their clashes and involve yourself only when one of your children asks you for help. You can try not to lose your temper when your children get into arguments and maintain your composure. Seeing your kids resolving their own fights will also increase your confidence about them and you will be more at ease.

Peer pressure

Hi. I am 15 years old. I’m very good at studies. I have a lot of friends but only some are nice to me. Mostly I get teased a lot. I feel bad on small things and tend to be different than others. They call me names and say that I am feminine and do not behave like a proper boy. I don’t like it when they do that and feel forced to put up an act. Am I gay? Or will I become one? Because everyone says that! I feel like crying but cannot even do that as boys are not supposed to cry. What should I do? I don’t want to be a freak. Please help me.

Hi. You seem to be an intelligent and friendly boy. At the same time, you are also sensitive which your peers may have mistaken as a ‘feminine trait’. Typically, there are certain roles and traits assigned to each gender and it becomes noticeable when a person doesn’t behave as ‘expected’ as in this case. It is normal to be emotional or sentimental and it has no connection with one being gay or growing upto be one. It can be difficult to deal with your peers when they tease you often and when silly rumours such as you being gay are spread around. It is okay to feel sad about it and to want to cry about it sometimes.

You can vent out your feelings to your sibling or parents or someone you trust and are comfortable with. You can try and ignore the comments that your friends pass about you and it is possible that they stop enjoying teasing you if they do not get a response from you. If you feel that things are getting out of control, you can talk to your teacher about it. Also remember you are at an age where there are many hormonal changes taking place which play a very importance role in your emotions.

Dr. Anjali Chhabria

MINDTEMPLE

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