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Updated on: Sunday, June 02, 2019, 12:07 AM IST

Dr. Anjali Chhabria Answers Personal Queries.

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Confused over ex-boyfriend

Hi. My boyfriend and I broke up a year back because he cheated on me. He didn’t want to break up and really wanted for us stay together but I was very angry with him and so sad that how could he do this to me? But now, I think I can let it go. He really feels bad about what happened. And he’s been trying to make up for it. And it was this one time. And I know him and I am able to trust him despite all this, he would never do something to hurt me this way ever again, he does really care for me. But my friends are warning me to not get back with him. And I’m really confused. Please help me. Please tell what should I do?

Hi. You sound very clear about why you would like to get back with your ex-boyfriend. You are able to forgive him and can trust him. At the same time, your boyfriend also seems to be very apologetic and seems to be trying to gain your trust back. Typically, it takes time to deal with betrayal and disappointment and you may have reached a point where you feel ready to accept him again. It is important that you both understand each other’s emotional process in the past one year and have a conversation about why do you want to get back with him and discuss your expectations from each other. As for your friends, listen to their specific concerns and address them to help them understand your decision. Your friends perhaps fear a similar incident repeating and do not want you to hurt again. You can try and be patient with them. It is advisable to take some time and do not be in a hurry to make a decision. It is possible that you over-thinking about this matter and as a result, are confused about what to do. You can consider your friends’ concerns and try and keep your focus on your ex-boyfriend and your relationship in order to make a clear decision.

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Taken advantage of?

Hi. The other day I went to an ophthalmologist to consult him for the first time. Initially I thought he was flirting a little with me but then I thought that I’m making too much of it. But I also thought that he was getting too close to me and it wasn’t required. He could simply do his job keeping away also. And more I think of it I feel he was touching me with wrong intentions. And I’m feeling very disgusted about it. Is it possible that I lead him on? Why didn’t I stop him? I’m feeling extremely upset and can’t stop thinking about it. What should I do?

Hello. It is normal to feel upset when you think that you have been taken advantage of. Initially, one tries to give the benefit of doubt to other person in such a situation and tries not to over-react to it as you have. However, sometimes, in hindsight one realises the facts of the circumstance and begins to feel cheated. The reason you did not do anything at the time was because you were probably still trying to understand the whole situation and did not want to ‘make a big deal about it’. Often, it is seen that a person in your situation begins to self-doubt and blame him or herself. However, as you have mentioned that it only seemed to be a little flirting, usually the person thinks it is innocent and lets it go. It is possible that you are thinking a lot about it and may tend to over-analyse the specifics of the situation. As we often make up our mind and then look for details to support it. Self-blaming and over thinking will not help you in this case. You can think of it as a learning experience and be more aware next time.

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Dr. Anjali Chhabria

MINDTEMPLE

http://anjalichhabria.com

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Published on: Sunday, December 09, 2012, 12:01 AM IST
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