Agony Aunt: My parents are looking at prospective grooms but are not willing to try matrimonial websites

Hi, I am a 30-years-old girl. I am working since the past seven years now and I’m very happy with my work. My parents and I are looking at prospective grooms for me to get married. They have been searching since a while now, almost four years. However, they have been unsuccessful till now. This is making them stressed and even I am getting slightly frustrated off late. The only way they are trying is through word of mouth and no other means. When I suggest other options (like matrimonial bureaus or websites), they reject them saying it’s not safe, etc. What do I do to convince them to try different means?

Ans: I understand that there is a clash between conventional approach towards marriage that your parents are adopting and your alternate means. One of the ways that could be used here is discussing their fears or apprehensions with respect to matrimonial sites and addressing them so that they are more likely to open up about the idea. Their anxiety might be causing an impact on you as well thus leading to frustration. Helping them resolve their doubts could help you in turn.

Fight among friends

Hello, I am very confused and need your help to figure how to handle my situation. Two of my friends are currently having issues with each other and do not see eye to eye. One of them keeps narrating to me about how the other one does not treat her well and often ignores her and does not even acknowledge her presence. I feel bad and stressed when I sense the tension among them. I want them to be cordial to each other, if nothing else. But I don’t know how to better the situation as the other friend maintains that she has no problems with the first friend.

Ans: The issue between your two friends has somehow translated into a worrisome situation for you. Your concern as their friend is quite natural, however the fight is something they have to realise about themselves and resolve as well. If this is causing you stress and worrying you, then communicate your concern to them rather than you trying to resolve their differences. At times people need time to accept that there indeed is an elephant in the room to be discussed and you can only be patient in such cases.

Agony Aunt: My parents are looking at prospective grooms but are not willing to try matrimonial websites

Mrs ‘Not so social’

I have recently got married. My husband, being a doctor, keeps attending medical seminars and conferences all around the country frequently. He now insists that I should accompany him to these events as all his colleagues get their wives at such events. However, I am not comfortable going to these events. I had accompanied him twice and had unpleasant experiences both the times where I felt very out of place and found it difficult to mingle with the other wives. I don’t wish to hurt my husband or abandon him. But at the same time, I don’t know how to make myself more comfortable and confident as I don’t feel like going with him.

Ans: Understanding is the first step here, especially about your husband’s suggestion to accompany him to the seminars. Once you both realise that there is some gap in how you think about this situation and what his idea about the same is, efforts could be put into resolving the gap. Your comfort and confidence could be worked upon by arranging to meet with few of his colleagues and their wives outside the seminar environment, engaging in conversations with those you find relatively easier to talk to are among a few other things that can be done.

Exam and anxiety 

I am facing difficulty concentrating on my studies. Being in the 10th standard, I cannot afford to waste time and my board exams are just around the corner. I feel that I am fairly prepared for most of the papers, however, I feel under-confident each time I think of my exams. I spend too much time day-dreaming and get distracted easily. I would like to focus better and be able to study more. How do I do so?

Ans: The narration mentioned above is probably stemming from what we call as ‘exam anxiety’. There are few steps to help you reduce this anxiety effectively. It is important to acknowledge that the thoughts of exam make you feel a certain way, which in your case leads to feeling under confident. The key to reduce anxiety is to focus on the facts that lie in front of you i.e. being honest to self about the study hours and efforts put in. once you know that you are doing your best or that you need to work harder for a particular subject, you might worry less and plan accordingly. You may realise that you are indeed doing enough and that there is no need to study more.

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