Opportunity loser

I tend to have an all in or nothing mindset. Last week I had an interview scheduled but I felt I wasn’t perfectly prepared for it so I let the opportunity go. This has happened to me in the past too when I did not attend because I feel I had not give my 100% in preparation. I feel like I should have given it a shot in case my luck worked but cannot help this behaviour of mine. I feel anxious due to losing so many opportunities.

Ans: The first step to work on thought process which tends to be unhelpful is to identify and label it. You have come to realise that ‘all or nothing’ thinking style exists in your case which is a resultant factor causing loss of opportunities for you. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has been widely known for helping individuals to overcome faulty/unhelpful thinking styles. You can consult a CBT practitioner that can work with you specifically on the issues mentioned above so that you aren’t hindered by your own thought process.

Need some stress!

My previous job kept me extremely busy as I used to handle a number of profiles. My new job pays a better salary, has good work timing. I also get weekends off and the profile I am handling is also interesting. However, it is not as challenging as the last one. I get enough time to complete a project given. I cannot help but feel anxious. I feel like I am not doing enough with my life because I do not have that much stress any more. I liked the feeling of struggling to complete everything and being under pressure. The chilled work scenario here is making me paranoid that I’m wasting my time.

Ans: The key lies here in the way you have conditioned yourself to think about your self-worth as an employee by equating it with the amount of stress you are able to take. The feeling is quite natural as your mind and body are attuned to certain ways of functioning and now that there is less pressure the mind and body are finding it tough to assimilate to the change. One way to resolve this could be approaching the current work place with a different mindset so that there is accommodation for the changes that have occurred. Another way to feel more accomplished is to occupy your time that you feel you are wasting with something that you have been putting off for a long time due to lack of time.

Agony Aunt: My boss is extremely verbally abusive towards my co-workers

Bragging and nagging

I like to boast about my work. I have this nagging feeling in my mind that I have to make it seem to everyone around me that I have the perfect life and job. Anyone who says nice things about their work makes me insecure and makes me want to put it across that I have a great job too. This is why I do not share any downs I have in my work life. How do I change this?

Ans: The need to always portray that things are all ‘hunky dory’ in your personal as well as professional life could be a result of certain insecurities pertaining yourself. It is important to understand where these insecurities stem from and what can be done about the same rather than indulging in a behaviour which results in bragging about yourself. This tendency might also result in creating a distance from others as it gives out a ‘me’ v/s ‘them’ vibe. Addressing and working on your sense of insecurities could help immensely.

Abusive boss

My boss is extremely verbally abusive towards my co-workers. He likes me and my work. The culture is horrible, but the profile I handle and the salary is good. We have tried interventions, but the boss still does not leave his habits. What can I do to improve this?

Ans: At times others behaviour can only be brought to their notice and be left at that as the realisation needs to happen at an individual level. Your boss despite constant efforts there hasn’t been much of a difference and the problem you are citing is on behalf of your colleagues. Approaching the HR department with respect to your boss’s attitude is important as higher authorities could probably be able to help you with a resolution.

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