Agony Aunt: Malaria faded away my beauty, and made me fat. I really feel uneasy

Inferior and insecure

As a child, I always used to be fit, beautiful, strong and fair but I got Malaria three times which faded away my beauty, immunity and made me fat. I always wanted to look gorgeous, admired by all and now since I look this way, I really feel uneasy, I look down upon myself and I want to change this situation. I hate exercising and love delicious food, so nothing motivates me to work towards it. Days pass by, I feel less confident, depressed and helpless. How do I deal with this feeling of insecurity and change?

Ans: Physical health when deteriorates usually leaves an impact on mental well being as well. The illness has led to you becoming sensitive towards how you appear not only to yourself but also others around you. You could begin by taking baby steps in terms of planning out a routine that involves eating as well as work out. The idea is to strike a balance and not give up one in exchange of the other. To help you initially a personal trainer would be a good idea as s/he can assist in building a routine. Once you realise that exercise isn’t all that a task, things would look easier from then on.

Evil ex-boyfriend

My ex-boyfriend even after three years of our break up still messages me and blames me for situations where I wasn’t even at fault. I can’t block him because I do care for him and he is a very sensitive person at heart. He has threatened me time and again which disturbs me and scares me. It also affects my performance at my workplace since it is constantly on my mind. He is torturing me to a point where it is very difficult to handle the situation. All this is always on my mind, bothering me and now even driving me crazy. How do I get rid of him and his tortures?

Ans: The narration involves hint of emotional abuse which is often ignored in a relationship that holds meaning for us. You mentioned that you still care for your ex-boyfriend and thus, maintaining the distance and keeping him out of your life isn’t working out. It is important to realise when it’s time to let go of a toxic relationship however strongly you feel for the other person. Since there are threats involved as well as mental torture, seeking legal help could be a way out if things go beyond your control. You could also approach a professional for helping you in the process of dealing with your emotional turmoil.

Agony Aunt: Malaria faded away my beauty, and made me fat. I really feel uneasy

Lonely and lifeless

I am 65-years-old. I was travelling with my husband when we met with an accident. I lost him in the accident. I am feeling lonely; I miss him and I feel like why I didn’t die instead of him. My kids are settled abroad and I don’t want to leave my house in India as I have many memories associated with this house. Sometimes, I feel like killing myself and then I don’t have the courage for it so I keep crying and I can’t sleep at night. I want to get out of this feeling of grief. Please help me overcome these negative thoughts.

Ans: I am very sorry for your loss. The bereavement period is often laced with the negative thoughts you are plagued with wherein there is guilt of surviving on one hand as well as grief that your loved one was a victim to the unfortunate accident. Seeking help from a support group in this difficult time period could be beneficial as you require emotional support. Rather than viewing it as a permanent shift abroad, you can visit them for temporary basis until you feel better and also in better control of your life.

Trust issue and tragedy

I am 26-years-old and my problem is that I have major trust issues. My parents left me with my grandparents to work in the US when I was as young as six years old. Since then a strong sense of abandonment has set in. My current relationships are also quite flimsy and I mostly struggle when it is time to make the relationship more concrete. How do I overcome this sense of betrayal and develop a sense of trust in people who are important in my life?

Ans: Trust is an important ingredient of any given relationship. You have an awareness that your sense of abandonment stems from early childhood which is causing hindrance in forming meaningful relationships today. In order to work around this feeling, you may begin isolating your past from your present. A professional counsellor or psychotherapist may be able to help you make this change. It is important to remember that our past has a huge impact on our present. However, taking charge of the situation can definitely work in your favour.

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