Agony Aunt: I discovered that I might be a dependent person. How can I improve?

Dependency is demeaning 

I have been reading a lot about personality traits and discovered that I might be a dependent person. I feel this very strongly as I have been noticing the prominent traits such as being clingy, not being able to make decisions and expect others to take charge, constant reassurances are needed for whatever it is that I do. Can this be worked upon? I really want to find out if there’s any hope for me. I also spoke to my close friend about this and she also confirmed about my dependency patterns. What should I do now? How can I improve?

Ans: We all function on different personality traits which comprise both strengths and weaknesses. You have identified few flaws in your personality and are willing to work on it as well. This is an important aspect when it comes to work on self. You can consult a professional who can help you in working on your personality development and also understand yourself better. Additionally, speaking to or referring to reliable sources is essential as will eliminate chances of you being misguided and will save you from taking over unnecessary stress.

Difficulty of choosing

I am 23-years-old. I have recently finished my degree course in music and a bachelor’s in commerce. I now have the option to pick either one, but I can’t seem to make a choice. The longer I take, the more frustrated I get. My parents are suggesting that I start applying abroad for the masters’ course with no restriction on the choice of subjects. However, I am unable to take a call as both seem equally appealing to me. Please help. I don’t know what I should do?

Ans: The two fields are quite diverse from each other and have varying pros and cons. The essential thing to look at here is that which degree seems more doable to you, holds your interest and drives you towards working hard. Consulting a career counsellor could help in gaining better understanding as to where do your inclinations lie, and what could be possible avenues in each field. Thinking on the lines as to what is causing this confusion in the first could also help you resolve this predicament.

Agony Aunt: I discovered that I might be a dependent person. How can I improve?

Its never too late to learn

I am a 51-year-old widowed woman. I run bonsai classes and help others with decorative work since I am good at it. Recently I have been feeling like I should have done something with my skills and started doing real work. I feel unfulfilled. I have completed my worldly responsibilities such as taking care of kids to getting them married (and well-settled), to socialising occasionally with my circle of friends and extended family. Now, my worry is that how should I make my life more fulfilling and enriching?

Ans: Age is simply a factor that often restricts us from finding something to do that interest us. You are already in the process of doing something that you are good at: running bonsai classes, this to me looks like investing your time and energy into a productive task. Firstly, defining what real work means to you is essential, is it taking up a job at some place or starting something of your own or is it a deep seated sense of regret that you didn’t really give your talent a chance earlier and now feel it’s too late. Once this is known, you can then aim at figuring out what can be done at the moment in order to make you feel fulfilled in life.

Pain of losing pet 

I am a 60-year-old woman. My children moved out of the house three years back and now it’s just me and my dogs. One of my dogs passed away last month and I can’t seem to get past the loss. People keep telling me that I’m over reacting since it is just a dog, but I feel too sad and depressed most of the time and do not feel like doing anything much of the time. I really want to get out of this situation, but do not know how to. What should I do?

Ans: I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. Pets do take place in our lives of being a family member and a loss does lead to an emotional impact. The grief you are experiencing could be dealt by speaking to a professional about it as the responses you have received so far have left you with a feeling of being judged. A therapist could work with you impartially and in a non-judgmental way so that your grief can get the space required.

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