Stuck between BF & BFFs
I am 19-year-old with a very close school group. We have been chilling together since four years. I have a boyfriend who is not good looking and short in height. My friends make fun of him without realising I wouldn’t like it so I fought with them and now they are against me. Because of this, my boyfriend hates them too and tells me to stay away from them, they are worthless. How do I fix this?
Ans: I understand that sudden loss of your close friends over an argument would be quite disturbing for you. In the given situation there was immense reactivity on all your parts. Speaking to your set of friends on an individual basis is important so that they are aware and sensitive towards your choice of partner. Speaking to your partner is also essential in order to explain that choosing one over the other is indeed a difficult task for you and trying to work out things with your friends is not indicative of you being inconsiderate towards him.
A daughter’s dilemma
I am 23-years-old, my parents have separated and my dad doesn’t look after me. My mother is not educated so much. I wish to be a doctor in future but the fees are really high. My nana is helping but he also can’t arrange money sometimes. He mentally tortures us when he is drunk and taunts my mother a lot. It’s been four years, emotionally and monetary wise the situation has been getting worse. I feel hopeless, depressed and sometimes it’s too much of stress to handle. How should I still be positive to carry on my life this way?
Ans: I understand that you have seen a lot of upheaval both financially and especially emotionally in the last couple of years and had to grow up much quickly than what you would have liked. Looking at options such as applying for scholarship or a student loan which could help you comfortably finish your education and then repay the money as per your earnings could be helpful as the home situation seems quite bleak at the moment. Speaking to a professional regularly on the matters that concern you so as to keep you motivated to move towards your goal is also essential.
I am 17-years-old; I was really close to my best friend. We would meet often, party together and share everything. We got in different colleges and classes and she was really busy in her life with new college friends and I feel she doesn’t give me much time. We meet once in 2-3 months after a lot of request. I feel less important and replaced which is difficult for me to be okay with. Also, I have issues with my college group and no more feel like going to college. How should I handle myself and be happy without worrying about others life and them not giving me time?
Ans: One of the good things here is that you already know that what is causing stress in your life. The idea of parting ways from your best friend after years of studying together could be a triggering factor coupled with making new friends and being comfortable in the new environment. There is a need for adjustment to all the given changes. Being patient and also letting the changes become a part of your daily routine are two things that could help you not be affected so negatively.
Lack of peace
I am a housewife and married since 25 years and relations with my husband are really good. We have a family dispute going on since 20 years and a lot of our money has been invested yet there is no result. We are not financially settled therefore I have immense tension about money and future. I am frustrated by the court cases, I feel depressed when money goes waste, and am not living life to the fullest and often cry remembering tough times and sacrifices that I had to make. This makes me angry at little things and I yell at home. Due to this the atmosphere at home also gets disrupted and I have become a negative person. How should I change this behaviour and be more peaceful?
Ans: The external circumstances are the resultant cause of your reactivity and thus leading to the negative environment around you. The situation that you are into has little or no change in the past few years and the more you concentrate on the fact that things aren’t changing for better the more it might lead to unhappiness. In order to help you feel better emotionally, talking about what bothers you with family members rather than being reactive could help. Also looking at other things that are going well around despite this legal case might benefit.
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