pic: thebalance.com
pic: thebalance.com

Single wants to mingle

I am a 26-year-old girl. I have never been in a relationship. All my friends have been in relationships for so many years, some are even married. Sometimes, I wonder if nobody likes me and if I will be alone all my life. I have been quite stressed since the time one of my really close friends has gotten married, though I don’t feel jealous of her, but being honest I do feel left out. What can I do to find my life partner and get over this weird feeling which is not jealousy, but extremely uncomfortable and disturbing?

Sometimes when we see almost all the people around us in a relationship we end up feeling lonely and left out; however it’s essential to keep in mind that just because you are not with someone at this point in time doesn’t mean that you will be alone in the future. For now, you could focus on building your career or be a part of activities that really interest you and this might in-turn make you feel more connected to yourself rather than getting bothered by people in relationships all around you. Also, you can opt for connecting with people your age by involving yourself in events and activities that take place around you, seek parent intervention so that they can be on a lookout as well.

pic: thestar.com
pic: thestar.com

Woes of a widower

I am a 64-year-old man. My wife passed away recently and since then I haven’t been able to find joy in anything. I feel like ending my life sometimes, because I feel so alone and lonely. My wife was all I had. Both my children are settled abroad so I don’t even want to call them here or tell them about my problems. What should I do? Is it normal in the first place to be so old and feel this way?

I am very sorry for your loss and I understand that imagining your life without a constant ally would be difficult. Though grieving is an individual process, to be able to reach the stage of acceptance, it is both essential and beneficial to reach out to people. And in your case simply talking to your kids once in a while about it is alright. However, if that feels difficult to do, an alternative could be joining a support group which can help you through this grieving process. The important thing to bear in mind is to acknowledge your feelings and seeking out help in order to work on them as you aren’t alone.

Fear of acceptance

I am 17-years-old. I am in my last year of high school. By birth, I am a female. However, since a young age I have felt uncomfortable with my gender, being called a ‘tom-boy’ for my choice in clothes and toys. However, I always knew it was more than that. After thinking a lot, I feel like I identify with the male gender. However, I do not know what to do about it since my parents are very conventional in their thinking and will not accept me at all if I tell them how I feel. I am also afraid to lose all my school friends too. What should I do?

I am glad you have taken the step towards seeking help, as I know dealing with so called unconventionality could be quite daunting. Psycho-education is often required in working with parents who find it difficult to accept alternate sexualities. Seeking help of a professional who can help in enabling and understanding could be a good start for you. I also empathise with your fear of losing your friends; however, being friends with those who accept you for who you are is more important than maintaining a facade simply for acceptance.

A mother’s concern

My daughter is 16-years-old. Yesterday, while I was cleaning her cupboard I found a packet of weed hidden. I don’t know how to approach her with it. I am sure she will lie to me and it will only strain our relationship. But she still needs to realise that it is wrong, without antagonising her. I am quite paranoid after what I found and am concerned about her overall well being as well. What do I do?

As a parent I know this is a stressful situation to deal with as imagination could run wild with speculations and doubts. This is a sensitive matter and requires immense level of patience on your end. Approaching your child by being honest about your findings in a way that does not place her in a corner is necessary than being accusatory. A lot of information needs to be derived before imparting the knowledge of weed being harmful, as you are not completely aware of the situation.



(Dr. Anjali Chhabria — Consultant Psychiatrist)

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