Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Addicted to porn

I first saw porn with my friends when I was 16 years old, just for fun. However, since the past 15 months, I have started watching it every day. I find myself watching porn and masturbating 2-3 times a day on some days. Even when I think I want to stop this habit, I am able to control for 2-3 days maximum. I am worried as I have read that masturbating too much might lead to memory loss or problems in sexual life later. However, it is very difficult for me to stop. What steps should I take?

Ans: The porn watching addiction can be treated with a systematic approach to counselling and medication if need be. Your addiction if stems from some sort of anxiety, then the anxiety needs to be addressed separately. Also, it is important that you get your facts right about effects of excessive masturbation as being misinformed may lead to greater anxiety and taking few wrong steps. Excessive of anything might create issues but the degree to which one gets affected varies from person to person. Thus, rather than relying on to information which isn’t validated, relate to your own experiences and accordingly seek help.

Keeping up friendship

I have known one of my closest friends for past 7 years. He has been a true friend in difficult times. However, lately, I have been noticing changes in our dynamics as we both have lesser and lesser time for each other due to work and other social commitments. I like going for outdoor activities and being with a larger group of people whereas he is more of a small group setting person. I can’t seem to find a balance with him and it is starting to strain our equation. What should I do?

Ans: The equation between you and your friend is probably getting strained due to the differences you are noticing that exist amongst you and him. The life experiences and maturity that comes with it does change the perception regarding certain people in our lives even though we have been extremely close to them. Both of you could sit down together over a common activity you both like doing and discuss the obvious differences so that the changed dynamics could be dealt with in a better manner. The relationship might undergo a change but both of you together could direct it in a way that’s comfortable for both of you.

Losing concentration

I am an engineer by profession. I like to study and keep myself updated with the latest research in the field of my interest. Lately, I have been feeling that I can’t concentrate enough on the reading and retaining information. I tried to figure out the possible reasons but can’t really come up with anything. I am at a loss here. I am 25 years old. I thought a little about my school life and college life and realised that sustaining attention was an issue even then. Where should I go to seek help? Any suggestions? 

Ans: The attention and concentration problem could probably be an indication of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). ADD is seen amongst adults as well. You mentioned about a history of distraction as a child, which is one of the key symptoms. You can visit a psychologist and get yourself assessed for ADD and any other related issues. The psychologist can also help rule out the possibility of any physical or psychological cause for the inattention.

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