V GANGADHAR GOES TO THE RAVI- SUNIL SCHOOL FOR CRICKET COMMENTATORS.
The Ravi- Sunil School for Cricket Commentators Welcomes you” announced Sunil Gavaskar to the 20- odd new entrants. ” We are Trai
l Blazers in the field of Cricket commentary”. Ravi Shastri applauded. The entrants were then taken around the posh school premises. ” This is the most important room in the School,” announced Gavaskar and pointed out to the number of photographs on the walls. ” Every day we start proceedings with prayers here, these are the portraits of the Board members. Sharad Pawar Shashank Manohar, Srinivasan, Rajiv Shukla and so on. Without them there would be no Indian cricket. Let us pray to them.” After ten minutes the new entrants opened their eyes. One of them asked, ” Sir, both you and Ravi Sir are wearing, dhoti in South Indian style with holy ash on your forehead. Why?” Ravi Shastri tightened the dhoti. ” Today, it is the birth day of our Big Boss, Srinivasan. He wants us to be dressed in this fashion and sit down for puja. Had there been a mach today, we would have appeared like this in the commentary box.” After going around the rest of the School, the new entrants sat down for their classes. ” We begin every session repeating 108 times the slogan alt39 The BCCI is always right, they are our masters, we are proud to be their hirelings,alt39″ chanted Gavaskar. ” We repeat this during the lunch break and at the end of the day.
Unless you this, you cannot do well in the School.” The new entrants loudly repeated the magic words. Ravi Shastri took over the proceedings. ” Open your notebook and write a hundred times, alt39 DRS is bogus. We shall never allow it on our sacred soilalt39. After that, you shall repeat after me, some of the clichéd cricket phrases patented by me, alt39 the ball races to the boundary like a tracer bulletalt39″. The entrants repeated alt39 The ball goes to the boundary like a tracer bulletalt39. ” You can have your personal views on cricketing issues,” went on Shastri. ” But they must be the same as that of the BCCI. Like my views on the DRS.” Turning to the students he asked one of them, alt39 What is your ambition in life?” The student stood up and replied, ” To be the best commentator in the game like Michael Holding, David Gower or Tony Cozier.” ” A smart- ass reply,” Shastri said in an aside. ” We here, will try to make you such good commentators that the BCCI will offer you contracts worth crores. You will not only be commentators but spokespersons of the BCCI, only this school can provide you with such a double honour.” ” There are major issues in cricket,” added Gavaskar. ” Pitch preparations, tour details, umpiring, DRS, reacting to foreign players, media and Boards. You must remember the BCCI is always right.
If it wanted its cricketers to play 365 days in a year, it is the right decision. Why should we have any pitch committees? We should continue to produce pitches, which turn from day one so that India can always win at home. As a patriotic unit, the BCCI appreciates home series victories more than anything else.” ” Sunil is right,” beamed Ravi Shastri.
” Whatever happens on the field, the Indian team was always right. Remember how the Board and we in the commentary box backed Harbhajan against Andrew Symonds. You see, as commentators we have to tell people that alt39 maa bahen galliesalt39 are acceptable than any references to alt39 monkeysalt39. After all, we worship Hanuman” ” You must forget terms like conflict of interest,” explained Sunil Gavaskar. ” As BCCI commentators, we see nothing wrong in our beloved Srinivasan being the Board Secretary as well as owner of Chennai Super Kings. If tomorrow Srinivasan wanted to lead India instead of Dhoni, we will support him. Similarly, we did not make a fuss when Chairman of Selectors, K Srikkanth chose his own son Aniruddha for a tour of Australia with the Indian Youth team. Why bother if he had failed miserably in domestic cricket.” The bell sounded for lunch.