Unlock Your Intimacy: Losing interest in girlfriend

Dr Aman Rajan BhonsleUpdated: Friday, May 20, 2022, 02:59 PM IST
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It’s been four years since I’m dating my girlfriend. Our families are involved and expect us to get married but I have been losing interest in her. She got upset when I told her. Please advise.

Ans. The human mind perennially seeks new pastures and problems to solve. It is curious and inventive but gets bored easily as well. You need to explore why you are losing interest in her. As the old saying goes, “Oil and water simply do not mix.” In several western nations, marriage is seen as a legal contract between two romantically involved and consenting adults. However, in India, it is seen as a socio-culturally mandated union of families. To get what you want in this world, you must be willing to pay a certain price. Some costs have nothing to do with money but they take into account a certain social currency that has much to do with respect, tradition and the multi-faceted expectations of loved ones. To be an individual is to sometimes walk a lonely path where one has to pitch hard to get what one wants. Marriage is seen as a lifelong commitment. The bare minimum camaraderie and excitement required to sustain a happy one need to be paid close attention to. If there's a fair bit of chafing and your values do not align on key areas such as child-rearing, financial goals and social habits, there is bound to be some discomfort. You will need to privately assess what your 'deal breakers' are and then make the effort to protect the integrity of your dreams with care. Always remember that everyone involved can and will not be in sync with what we wish.

I’m a divorcee and I am attracted to my young neighbour. He has a girlfriend who visits often. Once on his birthday I went over with a gift and kissed him. Just then his girlfriend entered with her and saw us. There was a huge scene and I was embarrassed. I’m now depressed as I keep seeing them all the time as we are neighbours. What should I do?

Ans. The neighbourhood is a shared space. Having said that, its inhabitants are people who (like everyone on the planet) find it easy to subscribe to the fiction and half-truths that line up with their pre-existing biases and concerns. While it may be hard to convince your neighbour's girlfriend about any innocent intentions, you will need to, at least for the time being, keep a safe distance from the couple to avoid further disgruntlement and confrontations in the building. A couple that doesn't trust each other is often blind-sided through the vagaries of life and they may succumb to provocations easier than others. You may have possibly played the role of 'provocative variable' that may have bruised an already challenging pre-existing dynamic. While you are free to feel attraction to whoever you want privately, there is a heavy toll to pay if you become the third wheel in a relationship. There is no shortcut to dodging embarrassing situations. If you are aware of your intentions when you walked into his home when he was alone (based on your attraction to him), you need to be answerable to yourself about what could have possibly happened if the door was not opened at that moment.

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