Candid Corner: Childless marriage

Aili Seghetti | Updated on: Saturday, July 24, 2021, 09:35 AM IST


Q. My wife and I are in a childless marriage. We have tried to have a child but have not succeeded. I want to opt for a test tube baby but am afraid that if I am the one diagnosed with no sperm it will be an embarrassment to me and my family. My wife would rather adopt a child anyway. This is creating a lot of discord in our relationship.

Ans: Good sperms don’t make good fathers, expressing care and love do. Do you have it in you to be affectionate towards a child? Then please go ahead with any form of offspring. If you are having a child to only prolong your genetic permanence, you might halt your baby fever and rethink your reasons.

Many people have kids because of peer or family pressure, to save dying marriages or relationships, because they are depressed, as a proof of masculinity or because their condom burst. All these are common but not best reasons. The pleasure of fatherhood and parenting comes from the joy of watching a child grow, learn to walk, reason, ask questions and the innocent delight in things that we, by now, find indifferent.

Yes, it might be attractive to watch your genes replanted on a kid’s face but engaging and taking care of the child are much more meaningful in the larger scale of things. If after reading this you still feel that you will be embarrassed about your sperm performance, you might be dealing with deeper insecurities. You should address them with a professional as they could be stemming from early childhood trauma.

You might have experienced worthlessness or shame at a crucial point in life and the current situation is just triggering an amplified response to that past event. You have the right to feel disappointed about the situation but feeling embarrassed about your sperms is an inflated reaction to a normal problem that already has a solution in the horizon.

The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing ( (Have a query? Send it on

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Published on: Saturday, July 24, 2021, 09:35 AM IST