Now, A Fight to the Finish

With enemies in all directions, the time has come for India to gird up its loins, irrespective of party affiliations, feels V GANGADHAR.

Now, A Fight to the Finish

Bad times for India, we are threatened from all sides, from distant Italy to neighbouring Maldives, Sri Lanka and Pakistan. The time has come for India to forget its political differences and stand together to meet the challenges. The Opposition always itching for a fight should refocus its target, from the Prime Minister to the genuine enemies. Each danger zone should be led by a competent warrior who had proved his mettle. The following is my War Plan. Success is guaranteed

Italy: Operation Italy would be led by General Subramaniam Swamy, a sworn enemy of certain former Italians now settled in India. General Swamy would start by arresting Sonia Gandhi and deport her to Italy. If she created any problems she would be jailed in Tihar, the 24-hour guards being Sushma Swaraj, Nirmala Seetharaman, Ravi Shankar Prasad and Narendra Modi. Once this task was accomplished, Gen.Swamy would close down all Italian restaurants and ban consumption of Pizza, Ravioli, Pasta and so on. India, under Swamy would not recognize the New Pope. Old videos of films starring Sophia Loren, Gina Lollobrigidia and Marcello Mastrioanni would be banned. Gen.Swamy would appoint a committee to change the name of popular South Indian snack ‘Idli’ because it sounded similar to Italy.

Now, A Fight to the Finish

Sri Lanka: Unbelievable, but true. ‘Operation Colombo’ would be jointly led by Field Marshals Karunanidhi and Jayalalita who buried their differences and enmity for this noble cause. ‘Eelam’ would become the new war cry of Tamil Nadu. Every village would have a temple for LTTE hero, Prabhakaran and videos of the assassination of Rajiv Gandhi would be compulsory viewing at every school and college in the state. Relations between Karunanidhi and Jayalalita would be so good that Jaya would offer to adopt one of Karunanidhi’s children – Alagiri, Stalin or Kanimozhi as her own. Tamil Nadu now had five great  epics and under the supervision of Karunanidhi, a sixth would be written depicting the glory of the LTTE. The Liberation force for Sri Lanka would be personally led by Jayalalita dressed up like Rani of Jhansi…. No, no, sorry…Like Tamil heroine Kannagi. The liberation war would be telecast live by Sun TV, Jaya TV and Kalaignar TV with Karunanidhi doing the commentary.

Now, A Fight to the Finish

Bangladesh: This not an enemy state but plagued by an internal turmoil which was seen during President Pranab Mukherjee’s recent visit. Swamy wanted a peace keeping force to be sent to Dhaka but was out-shouted by Mamata Banerjee who suggested that films of her activities in West Bengal would be enough to keep Bangladesh quiet. Shah Rukh Khan, the cultural ambassador for West Bengal is chosen to select the most action-packed footage featuring Mamata Didi. Unconfirmed sources from Dhaka said that troublemakers are ready to stop whatever they were doing and keep quiet. Their plea, please no Didi films!

Pakistan: Too many claimants for leading Indian forces against our perennial enemy, even the so-called cultural body RSS volunteered. After much thought it was decided that the battle against Pakistan should be led by General Arnab Goswami with General Rajdeep Sardesai as his deputy. They would need no weapons, no Agust Westland Helicopter gunships, their combined vocal chords would be more than enough. If some strategic advice was needed Generals Goswmi and Sardesai could rope in hundreds of retired officers who had been sabre rattling against Pakistan in TV studios.

Maldives: Easy to tackle. Let Salman Khan and Sonakshi Sinha shoot their next film in and around Male. Everyone, friend or foe, would stop whatever they were doing and come to watch. In no time things would become normal.

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