Why can’t highly-qualified MBAs aspire to become official drivers to Mumbai’s Municipal Commissioner and earn fat salaries, wonders V GANGADHAR.
MBAs loved to talk shop on salaries, perks, future opportunities, competition and so on. When groups of MBA’s from prestigious Business Schools got together, this was what they always talked about. But sometimes the opportunities they discussed could be somewhat bizarre. Let us listen to one such discussion which proves our point:
Harvard MBA: Gates, I am told is sick and tired of Microsoft Not much to achieve over there. There will be huge openings there.
Stanford: Are you planning to apply? Some ambition, with just 3 ½ years experience. Of course, Gates has a soft corner for you Harvard guys.
Yale: All these jobs are the same, the same challenges, the same rat race. I am planning something totally different My MBA should take me somewhere where no other MBA had gone before.
Berkley: Have you applied to one of those corporations which had an office on the tallest tower in Dubai. Let me tell you, tall or short, the job was going to be the same.
MIT: That is where Engineering scored over MBA. Like the Harvard guy, I am also aiming for the sky. We both are applying to NASA for Space Management jobs in Mars. Just imagine the excitement, 30 years to reach the planet and not knowing how and when we would be back. What do you Indian guys think? You have some great Management Schools, the corporates pick you up in no time and you are a developing economy.
Ahmedabad: That’s true. Plenty of opportunities back home. So many MBAs returned home, started something on their own, started NGOs and made money. The US is not attractive as it used to be.
Bengaluru: I agree and I am going back next month. Good, old Software. Only drawback was the way they changed the names of cities. Why can’t Bangalore remain Bangalore and not Bengaluru?
Delhi: And Bombay is Mumbai. But I am getting a great job there. Unbelievable. Picked it up from a news story. Nice, relaxing job. The best part is that I will earn more than my boss.
Harvard: What the hell are you talking about? Earning more than your boss! Then you become his boss.
Ahmedabad: Ahmedabad is closer to Mumbai than Delhi. How did you zero in on my territory? But tell me, what kind of job are you talking about which you got and we missed out?
Delhi: I read Indian newspapers carefully. Do you know that the official driver of the Mumbai Municipal Corporation boss, the Commissioner, draws a higher salary than his boss. Nearly Rs 100,000 a month while the Commissioner gets only Rs 90,000. The civic chief had so many headaches to handle but the driver jut drives the car and can relax most of the time. I was interviewed and being a native of Mumbai, spoke fluent Marathi. Plus I told the panel I was accustomed to drive on roads full of potholes. That was it, the job was mine.
Bengaluru: Lucky sod! But explain how you earned more than your boss.
Delhi: That is the magic of the Indian system, the golden rule of Overtime! It does not go down but up, up all the time. Within a couple of years, I will touch Rs 200,000 while you guys slaved around here.
Ahmedabad, Kolkatta, Benguluru: Yaar, when you start working in Mumbai, just don’t’ forget us but look around for similar jobs. With lots of overtime.
Yale, Harvard, Berkley, Stanford, MIT: Not fair. Don’t forget we are one family. We are game for Indian
(V Gangadhar writes satire, a special form of humour. Incidents and anecdotes in his column are purely imaginary.)