Lowering prices of aviation jet fuel, younger, more attractive cabin crew. Wait, says. V GANGADHAR, Air India has more sops for passengers.
There is a new spirit in Air India. We are told seat occupancy has gone up. Following the lowering of jet fuel prices, ticket prices are coming down. The cabin crew girls are younger, prettier, their skirts likely to become shorter. Air India watchers are certain that with these innovative measures, passenger traffic is certain to boom in the months to come.
In the midst of all this comes the news that at Chennai airport a fight erupted in the cockpit of an Air India plane between the pilot and the flight engineer. When the aircraft maintenance engineer was checking the windshield before handing over the plane to the flight crew, the pilot entered, had words with him, then abused and punched him. The plane was held up for three hours in Chennai. Air India staff intervened, separated the two. The engineer had to be hospitalized and the pilot de-rostered pending an enquiry.
[alert type=”e.g. warning, danger, success, info” title=””]This is going to be a bonanza for AI, a unique live entertainment. We hope to make it a regular feature in our long-distance flights. Boxing bouts among cockpit crew and later we may rope in the cabin crew too. Passengers are bored with static entertainment, like watching dumb movies.[/alert]
Yet it is surprising that such an incident delighted the Air India top brass. “Nothing will come out of the enquiry” a top source of Air India told me. “We shall make full advantage of the incident. Advertise it widely and get more passengers”.
“How can you do that?” I asked in some surprise. “How do you propose to advertise this unfortunate incident?”
“Unfortunately nothing,” the source snapped. “This is going to be a bonanza for AI, a unique live entertainment. We hope to make it a regular feature in our long-distance flights. Boxing bouts among cockpit crew and later we may rope in the cabin crew too. Passengers are bored with static entertainment, like watching dumb movies. These ‘Mara-Mari’ shows should enliven the flight.”
“But fisticuffs on a flight?” I wondered. “Live entertainment of this kind is always welcome” he replied. “Of course, agreed we do have unexpected skirmishes between our flying crew and passengers who always complained and went overboard with their complaints. We put up with these for quite sometime but when our patience was exhausted, the cabin crew and even the cockpit crew do get to bash up the errant fliers. They must be taught a lesson.”
“What a strange flight strategy!” I exclaimed. The AI source opened a thick file and glanced at the papers. “Quite a few passengers do not know when to stop drinking,” he pointed out. “Added to that eve teasing our hostesses . How much can we tolerate? But when a pilot and a flight engineer figure in a knock out bout it adds a new flavour to the image of the airline. Our new civil aviation minister had commended the pilot and the engineer. It also adds to the discipline of flying in India.”
“How is that?” I wanted to know. There will be fewer troublesome passengers during flights the source pointed out. “When the passengers know they are being flown by a pilot and an engineer who won’t stand any nonsense and make their fists to speak for them, there will be no fisticuffs during flights. That is what we in Air India want.”
(V Gangadhar writes satire, a special form of humour. Incidents and anecdotes in his column are
purely imaginary)
