Hello. I am in love with a very close friend of mine for 3 years now. The thing is that I am gay and she is not. And I know how silly it sounds but I can’t help but feel this way. She is a wonderful person and we are very close. She knows about my feelings but that was 3 years back and since then I have never told her I still feel the same. But now it is becoming so hard for me to see her with her boyfriend or having a good time with her other female friends. I do not know what to do? Sometimes I wonder how to stop feeling this way. And at other times, I just feel like telling her how I feel. Please help me. Please.

Dr. Anjali Chhabria Answers Personal Queries.

 Hi. It seems to be very clear what you must do in this situation. As you mentioned that your friend is not gay, you must try to shift your attention to other girls who share the same sexual orientation as you. It seems that you may be fantasising of having a relationship with her and hoping that one day she will reciprocate. You need to start meeting other people and try to find chemistry with them. Try not to restraint yourself from flirting or having feelings for someone else. Telling your friend about your feelings is not going to help as you need to remind yourself that she likes boys and that cannot be ‘competed’ with. It may be a good idea to maintain a certain distance with her until you are able to get over her. Try not to compare others with your friend’s qualities as it will only make it more difficult to get over your feelings for her. Try to focus on the other person’s attractive and good qualities and give them a chance. Try to look at it more practically than emotionally. Try and understand that it is important that you do not get fixated upon friend and find someone who feels the same for you as you do for them.

Dr. Anjali Chhabria


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