The girls that are meeting me as potential partners are all seemingly wanting my family wealth, as I have been asked by several of them about our properties and on whose name is the palatial home I live in. I am disgusted with all this. Will I never have true love? Will my relationship be plagued with the burden of family wealth? Is a romantic relationship out of reach for me? Please help.
g Many people choose to marry into ‘lifestyles’ in addition to getting married to an ‘individual’. It’s natural for you to wrestle with this thought as you may perhaps be feeling a tad objectified at this point. This is understandable. Crudely speaking, I have heard several people in my practice referring to a person or his/her family as ‘the package’. What does this mean? Much like a child enjoys opening wrapped birthday presents, human beings enjoy unwrapping erstwhile hidden aspects of each other’s personalities by first focusing on what is visible in this ‘package’.
Bundled excitement? Access to luxury? Financial stability? What is a partner looking for? Now, while you might not like it when you’re seen as a ‘commodity’, it’s important for you to realise that the real world that we live in is a highly transactional and result oriented place. The unspoken rule is often ‘You give me what I want if you want to have access to what you want’. This is not unnatural in any manner since most long-term relationships are highly reciprocal by nature. Give and take thus becomes the norm.
A prospective bride is well within her right to want to ‘forecast’ her level of comfort with a potential husband since marriage is a permanent relational lock-in for the individuals and families involved. Let’s understand this. People are often prone to looking out for a certain level of ‘comfort’ or ‘continuity of lifestyle’ when they are looking to ‘settle in and settle down’. However, this doesn’t mean that every woman you will potentially meet will be a ‘gold-digger’. It isn’t fair to generalize how all women are.
Affluence and luxury may mean very little to you since you have always had these comforts but for some other people – it may represent a substantial upgrade from their current living conditions This must be empathised with. Yet, I can fully respect the fact that you don’t like feeling like you and your family’s wealth is on sale. Your pursuit of true love must be met with the wordly wisdom of not ‘believing everything you hear’. It’s important to really get to know a person before you get married.
Understanding each other’s values and lifestyle preferences is a part of this stretched out introduction process. This needs to be respected and taken into account at a steady and measured pace. Do not rush it. Your being overweight and having hypertension needs to be managed so that you can cultivate a healthy lifestyle for yourself. Is it possible that you internally worry about how would someone overweight like you get married to someone you like unless they were first attracted to your wealth? You owe yourself longevity and for that you need to be healthy.
Being overweight is a challenge that you would do better to tackle head on so that you are physically and mentally able to navigate through life’s many nooks and crannies and so that that you can finally learn to fulfil all your personal and familial ambitions and dreams. Your wealth should not be seen as a burden. It is your asset. It is undeniable that your plush life will be an immediate draw for many women. However, be prepared to gauge if that is all that stands between you and your partner. To find out if you are desired by a prospective partner for reasons other than money.
You are going to have to look at your interactions with these prospective partners. Make sure any person you are on a date with only has access to you (the person) before they learn about the kind of lifestyle and wealth you enjoy. To charm a woman with your affable nature and honest intent is far more sustainable as she would love you for ‘who you are’ rather than isolating your ‘desirable qualities’ to merely ‘what you bring to the table monetarily’. The shared journey of marriage will require you will to be open and honest with each other. To further your understanding on the types of questions you should ask to a prospective partner, you could strongly meeting a counsellor to better understand yourself, your needs and where you stand.