Tea & therapy: No friends please!

A wife’s woe

I am a 30-year-old female. My husband and I have been married for three years. Our marriage has been good, and we haven’t encountered any problems. He wants to have an open relationship, and I am apprehensive of this idea. I would feel guilty to deny him, but at the same time I am unsure of my stand. Please give me some advice.

The idea of being in relationship with someone rests upon the value system you have developed over the years. Here, you mentioned not being sure about your stand, this could be an indicator for a need to explore that value system you think you are most comfortable following and have been doing so all along.

he next thing to work upon is your guilt that would possibly come up on denying what he wants from you in the relationship. Giving and taking in a relationship is dependent on what one is individually capable of. Thus, before you jump to the conclusion of feeling guilty, it is important to understand whether or not open relationship is something you are willing/wanting to explore and then base your decision accordingly.

Girlfriend going away

I am an 18-year-old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past three months. Off late I feel like she has been drifting away from me. What are the signs of a stagnant relationship, and should I confront her about my feelings?

The signs of a stagnant relationship would vary from couple to couple. The first is to figure out what makes you feel differently and suspect that your girlfriend is drifting away from you.

Tea & therapy: No friends please!

Once you are aware of the change in behaviour, addressing those changes with your partner is essential. Keeping these observations to self might lead to assumptions and at times keenly looking for signs of trouble.

Thus, clarifying such doubts could help you feel more at ease as well as understand that what is leading you to feel this way. Also, it has been three months into the relationship, so giving time for the relationship to grow is also essential.

Coming out of ‘closet’

I am a 25-year-old man. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am gay. My parents have no idea about this. They are orthodox and I do not know how they will react.

They have always had conventional expectations from me. I have a job which would allow me to move out of my parents’ house but that would not be an ideal situation. Please give me advice.

I understand that it must be difficult to try and fit into conventional social norms when you personally adhere to a different set of values. Keeping your identity from your parents might also be causing conflictual feelings with respect to what is the right thing to do.

If moving out of your parent’s house isn’t an escapism measure and simply to explore your professional options, then giving it some thought is essential.

Since you have recently come to terms with your own identity, give yourself some time to understand its impact completely and this can be done with the help of a professional as well. Once there is more concreteness in your own way of thinking, actions will definitely follow.

No friends please!

I am a 20-year-old woman. I have been dating my boyfriend for the last seven months. I met him through a group of mutual friends. After we started dating I had a fight with those friends and stopped talking to them.

He still keeps contact with them and I do not have any issues with that. However, it does become awkward for me when they invite him to parties, but not me. Should I talk to my boyfriend about my feelings, or would he feel like I am being controlling?

g You might have your own reasons to keep distance from the mutual friends. You mentioned having no problems when your boyfriend interacts with them, but feel differently if he is invited for social gatherings and you aren’t.

Here it could be subtle display of who your boyfriend chooses and if that choice doesn’t involve you and them instead, it could lead to insecurity or at times uneasiness.

Communicating to your boyfriend how you feel is important as it will help reduce the chances of any passive aggressiveness from your end whenever he decides to hang out with those set of friends without you.

One other important aspect in a relationship is to understand that both of you might have certain aspects in your life that you might not completely be in favour of however, that’s how you keep individuality maintained in the relationship.

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