Sex and The City: Unsure about reconsidering

I always admired working couples who equally contributed and teamed up to co-create a good life for themselves and their kids. I envisioned that even for myself. However, I met a sweet simple girl who is not career-minded and in no way fits the image I carried within me all this while. I started really liking her and I love the easy relationship I have with her. The sex is also great. My friends have asked me to reconsider going ahead with her as they think I may get bored once the novelty of the relationship wears off. I am in a dilemma. I really like her, the ease and the sex, but I wonder whether there is value in what my friends say. Please guide.

Ans: Your friends don’t have to live with her and be happy with your partner. That’s something you will have to figure out. A good life is not to be only equated with a materially secure and economically affluent lifestyle. People define ‘good’ differently. For some it’s a peaceful household and some it may be a household with enough glamour to make the neighbours envious.

Finding happiness and balance is not like trekking where you finally make your way the summit. Think of it more like surfing the waves where you never know what the next tidal swell promises the keen surfer. What you envisioned for yourself and the image you have built in your mind may need to evolve as you evolve as a human being and also as your relationship with this girl evolves.

A girl’s career-mindedness shouldn’t be the sole criteria by which you judge how well she fits into your life. What if you were to find a career-minded spouse but she proves to be a highly strung, perpetually unavailable, cantankerous and cagey around you? How would you deal with that? On the other hand, if you find a woman who’s not exactly career-minded – but she’s extremely forgiving, nurturing, generous, kind and affable – that may make for a far happier and peaceful home and relationship.

You will have to ask yourself what qualities and values do you hold the dearest – while choosing a partner for yourself. What is your relationship with peace of mind? Is it important to you or is it an after-thought? Is peace of mind something only people with long beards talk about on YouTube? How valuable is your peace for you? Good sex and an ease to the relationship are usually excellent signs of compatibility. Compatibility brings peace.

The smart, skilled, resourceful and well-connected individual can always find innovative ways to generate money and even grow money while there is indeed always a learning curve to such pursuits. The sweet-simple girl is likely to provide an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance to you. In such a caring environment, you’re also likely to function and operate at your best and that means that you will be primed and highly driven to find new ways (with her help and support) to make more money for the family so that this ‘good life’ that you speak about doesn’t seem like such a distant dream after all.

While it’s not a bad idea to heed to advise of certain chosen friends, it must also be remembered that our friends may have certain private agendas for ‘how they would like us to be and live’ and that commonly lends itself to bias in the decision-making process. A biased decision often turns out to be a poor decision since all factors haven't been considered. You have a mind of your own and you must train it to make independent assessments that are based on good mix of facts, experimentation and personal experience.

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