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Sex and Relationships

Updated on: Thursday, December 30, 2021, 11:48 PM IST

Candid Corner: Where did it all go wrong?

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A colleague of mine called me creepy. Before she did that I used to look at her and say “good morning” because I found her pretty. One day, I wanted to have lunch with her and just chat, but before I could ask her she just called me creepy. I am not sure what I did wrong and now I feel horrible. Please help.

Your intentions were good but your expression of them was bad. Unfortunately, women do get a lot of attention from men and are more susceptible to bad signals. Eyes, body language, proximity and touch are how we communicate with people beyond the use of words. Maybe you looked at her more than what she found comfortable or you communicated too much eagerness with your tone or body language. Perhaps you came physically too close to her when you approached. When you like someone you have to give them space to think, decide and respond to your signals. For example, instead of saying “Want to have lunch with me?” and standing in front of her you could say: “I would like to have lunch with you one day, let me know how you feel”.

The rule is to express interest and leave space for them to express theirs. If they don’t share your interest, don’t insist. You have to wait for a sign of reciprocal interest to continue any signalling. Did she ever reply to your “good morning”? Did she ever look back when you made eye contact or when you spoke? Would she turn her body towards you when you would approach her? These and other signals such as smiling, getting physically closer give cues of reciprocated interest. When we do not receive these signals back, we get perceived as pushy and creepy. Also remember that approaching someone just because they are physically attractive makes them feel objectified, especially women. Not everyone is into being objectified so always look for something not related to appearance when thinking of making the first move. Your intention will show in the way you approach them. Truth is that we cannot be liked by everyone but we can make sure that we don’t make things worse and get perceived as stalkers and perverts.

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Published on: Friday, December 31, 2021, 07:00 AM IST
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