I had gone to Dubai to celebrate the New Year and had a great time. I met some really good guys and did spend quality time with them. I started seeing one of them and we are now dating. The problem is I did not realise that I spent the night with 2 of his friends as well. I really care for this guy, but I don't know if I should tell him about the one night stand in December. I don't know how he will react. What should I do?
As I check tickets for Dubai, I must confess I am a little envious. Your year started in abundance and pleasure, that should be celebrated. Understand that when we are afraid that someone will judge us it’s because deep inside we are judging ourselves. Look within, why do you feel that spending quality time and possibly having sex with multiple partners, when single, is wrong? You have been socialised to believe that sex is bad and that you should stick to a single guy. No worries, we all have been.
Ask yourself, do you want to live by moral codes set by a society that has little knowledge on the real benefits of sex and intimacy or, do you want thrive by your informed experiences of joy and pleasure today? If you decide to go for the moral dungeon, tell the guy (because he is going to find out), beg for forgiveness and never visit Dubai again.
If you feel that pleasure and authentic intimacy make you a better person, have the conversation (I repeat, he will find out) and express how you feel for him now.
Realistically speaking, it could go either way but what matters is that you feel true to yourself. His reaction will depend on his social conditioning and level of self-awareness, not on who you are.
You were not in a monogamous relationship when you met these people and now you want to be in one. If he decides to blame and shame you then you are probably better off without him. If he replies with vulnerability, which could include expressions of hurt, you are set for a beautiful journey. You lucky human being!
(The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach and an Independent People and Culture Specialist focusing on relationships, sexuality, youth and social media in South Asia. Have a query? Send it on email@example.com)