Q: I have been in an online relationship for about three months. I am physically very attracted to this person, and we regularly have cybersex. We also speak for hours on end and sometimes I feel this relationship is one of the best I have ever had. I feel that everything is perfect, and we should keep it this way, but my partner insists on meeting. I am afraid that I will feel differently when we meet. I don’t want this to end. Please help.
Ans: The only constant in life is change and therefore it is very likely that your feelings for this person will change even if you don’t meet. Three months is not very long. The feelings for this person could come across to you as very intense, specially because we collectively are living in a scary period. The fear of death and uncertainty make us live on a constant rush of stress hormones. This can augment the other feelings we are experiencing.
The need to connect and share is much stronger and if we find someone who seems to correspond our needs, we are more likely to dive in heart and soul. Generally, life events such as a change of job, a move to a new city and even negative events such as death, illness or a pandemic make us more open to relationships and connection.
During war times many more people got married, pregnant and experienced intense love stories. There is a sense of desperation and hope that plays out with the people we meet during extreme situations. These feelings are most likely to change once things go back to our ‘normal’. So, it’s probably not just the fact that the relationship is online but also the pandemic.
For now, just ask for some more time and openly discuss your fears. Maybe only by talking about what you are scared of will make you realise that there is nothing to worry about and bring you closer to your partner. There is nothing wrong in keeping relationships online, the virtual world helps us set the boundaries we are not able to set in real life.
The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on email@example.com)
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