Candid Corner:  Matter of attire

Q. We have been married for 4 years now. My wife used to dress up in western attire in the first year, but since then she only wears Indian traditional attire. I request her at times to wear something nice but she doesn’t seem to be interested. This is the reason for the spark in our bedroom also diminishing. What should I do?

Ans: You have to admit that Indian attire is much more comfortable to wear, especially in this weather. Maybe your wife feels more comfortable with you and the relationship and she is expressing it with her wardrobe. It is not necessarily a bad sign. It means that she probably won’t run off with the first hot and stylish guy who comes along.

Have you asked yourself why you get turned on only when she wears ‘nice’ western attire? Usually, we get turned on by things that make us feel a certain way. What about the western attire turns you on? Is it about a certain body part that gets accentuated? Is it the feeling of independence and autonomy we associate with western clothes? Or is there an element of forbidden that excites you about this particular attire? Once you identify what turns you on about western clothes, speak to your wife.

Women are more receptive to emotional language than requests that make them feel objectified. Letting your wife know what those clothes make you feel will create more intimacy and arousal between the two of you. Explain to her what emotion these clothes evoke, e.g., ‘when you wear a dress, I feel desired and accepted by you, I feel challenged by you and it excites me, etc.’ If she is still against a western wardrobe, perhaps you can achieve the same feeling with Indian sarees that accentuate curves and skin as well as lingerie. Maybe knowing choli ke peeche kya hai could be as arousing as seeing her in a mini skirt.

The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach and an Independent People and Culture Specialist focusing on relationships, sexuality, youth and social media in South Asia. Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com

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