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Sex and Relationships

Updated on: Saturday, August 28, 2021, 09:42 AM IST

Candid Corner: In love with an escort

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Q. I have fallen for a girl who provides ‘paid services’. I met her a few months back and since then keep on regularly meeting her. I see how much potential she has and want to give her the opportunity to move away from this profession. I cannot introduce her to my conservative family but want to have a relationship with her. What should I do?

Ans: Have you asked her what she wants? We often are very confident that everyone out there should follow the same lifestyle and value system we have. You might feel that paid services are bad and wrong, although you have used them. Not everyone providing those services are doing it against their will. Some people have chosen it as a profession.

Ask her before assuming she wants out, or to be rescued. We also stigmatize sex work because we have been socialised to believe that sex is bad, or that it should be only had with people we are romantically involved with. As you might already have experienced, sex is not bad at all, and you can actually be physical with someone without feelings for them.

You developed your feelings after a few meetings with this girl, not the first time you met, I hope. The most important thing for you now, is to find out if she has feelings for you and whether she wants to be in a relationship. Paid services trigger many physiological reactions and often it is easy to confuse real feelings for someone with those boosted by the rush of sex hormones. We are high on dopamine and oxytocin when we are intimate with someone, it is easy to think this high is a romantic feeling.

Paid services also involve a lot of role play. Many things are said and done to play a character, or to arouse the client. It is important for you to separate what is said and done during the service, from what is done in between services. The role play lasts until money does. If you also get turned on by providing financial support to this person, just make sure you know where to draw the line and how to not end up broke. Addiction to financial domination is undocumented but real. Get professional help if you feel things might be going out of control.

The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com)

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Published on: Saturday, August 28, 2021, 09:42 AM IST
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