Q. My husband-to-be wants to have a bachelor party with a stripper. All his friends are excited and mine are too. I don’t see the fun in all this and the thought of him ogling, and possibly sleeping with, the stripper is making me angry. What should I do?
Ans: You have your stripper party before he does! It will be a great experience for you and it will help you understand how men feel when they attend these events. Bachelor parties are based on fear and anxiety, although they display privilege and power over the female body.
Fear of losing freedom, autonomy and adventure. Is your relationship based on these values? If it is not, you should start worrying. If he is desperately trying to sleep with someone before he gets hitched, there are many chances that he will feel the same way in a few years.
If he is just doing it because everybody else is doing it, he could be getting married for the same reason. Just one final time: are you sure you want to get married to this person? You probably have already expressed your discomfort to him, but no harm in addressing the issue again talking about how insecure the whole thing is making you feel.
Remember, a bachelor party is just an experience and not a lifetime commitment like marriage. But if it doesn’t feel right, the minimum you can do is to talk about it. You will take all your insecurities into the marriage anyways, bachelor party or not. Better start addressing them from an early stage. You have the right to be angry and upset but ideally you should not stop him from doing it. Just because if you tell him no, he will just lie and do it anyways or he will resent you.
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