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Sex and Relationships

Updated on: Saturday, January 08, 2022, 12:18 AM IST

Candid Corner: Fed up with online dating

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Q: I am frustrated with online dating. Most of the people I match with start the conversation with “Hi”, “Hey”, “What’s Up”, or they go into a long paragraph about themselves. Why can’t people be a little more creative or interesting? How do I avoid these types of approaches?

Ans: We all are a bunch of unskilled slobs when we are dating online. We all want our dating matches to fall on our laps without making any effort. While many of us realise how unrealistic that is, the majority of us don’t. Those writing long paragraphs have made the effort once and copy-paste it to many profiles. They think that extensively writing about themselves will help the other person decide but actually they are failing to connect.

And dating is about connection. It is about being seen, relating and exchanging. There is no exchange with the long writers, there is a monologue. There is no exchange with the ‘hi-hellos’ matches, they can’t even be bothered. Matching with someone is so precious. People don’t realise that when they send the first wrong message, they are missing out on the opportunity to make the other person feel special. And that’s exactly what we want to feel when we swim in an ocean of profiles: noticed for something unique. Also, remember that our society is still learning online dating etiquette.

People are still learning basic communication skills. Ideally, you should guide your matches with a clear profile, as well as, articulate conversation openers. For example, you can write: “When you swipe on me, I would love to find out why you have…in your first message”. When they say “hi” you can reply by saying: “Let me know if we have something in common or if there is a good reason to connect besides the way we both look”.

You can also start the conversation with comments on their style, things you notice on their images or anything you feel you might have in common. In the end, it’s better to lead the conversation and show the way than resenting your match from the start.  

The writer is an Intimacy and Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual well-being (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com)

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Published on: Saturday, January 08, 2022, 07:00 AM IST
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