I was not able to meet my boyfriend during the lockdown for over 6 months. We chatted online, texted etc..but the physical distance got to me. I took the risk and went to his place (in another city) and found that he was already seeing someone. I am totally shattered. What do I do?
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most hurtful things in life, you are shattered and rightly so. So what is first aid for heartbreak? Focus on you and take some time off to heal: acknowledge your feeling of hurt, it is valid; speak about it to someone who cares about you, it deserves to be heard; practice mindfulness or meditation, move your body by dancing, exercising, going for walks; meet a friend, treat yourself to something you really like; eat nutritious food made with love.
It is important to restore your nervous system from the trauma of betrayal. This is priority and you owe it to yourself. Understand that the blame game will only momentarily alleviate the symptoms, but it’s not the cure to your pain.
Whose fault was it? Most of time people cheat and lie to others when they are extremely unhappy with who they are not because they intend to hurt you. It is their insecurities and fears that make them act this way and not something you have done or said.
Empathy towards his weakness and towards your pain is a much deeper, healthier and long lasting healer than calling him a jerk. It will also make you both better human beings overall.
Was the risk worth it? If you focus on your pain right now, maybe not. If you are healthy and didn’t catch Covid from your trip, think about what this experience has thought you about yourself and life. Any lesson learnt is a golden nugget towards our path of self-awareness.
(The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach and an Independent People and Culture Specialist focusing on relationships, sexuality, youth and social media in South Asia.)
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