Q: My sister and I are really close to each other and she is to get married soon. We have been looking for prospective grooms but I keep finding some or the other fault even with seemingly good grooms. Part of me feels like it's because I don't want her to leave the family, and another side of me thinks it's because I want her to be safe. I'm not sure which one is true. Please help.
Ans: Both are true. You desire happiness for both and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s great that you are part of the selection process and that you are being extra careful because there are no such things as ‘good grooms’.
Looking for a marriage partner is about understanding compatibility and not some ideal groom figure that fits all. You probably know your sister better than anyone and naturally, you will be able to gauge how compatible the other person will be for her.
Often other people can tell more than we can so keep on rejecting as many as you want! You can add to your long list of groom requirements: Similar values, a couple of common hobbies, openness to work on themselves, communication, listening and appreciation skills.
It might be really long before your sister gets married and it’s great. While she waits she should date, meet new people and enjoy her life as a single woman. She will start understanding her emotional and physical needs better after meeting people on her own.
With respect to marriage, it is better to be safe than sorry. Bad marriages and divorces can have a terrible impact on people’s health as well as pockets. People will always rush us into getting married young but there is no need. We can now have children at a later age and there will be no shortage of grooms in a country like India. Take your sweet time and enjoy her company. She will eventually get married and this is your time together. It’s precious time that will create forever lasting memories.
(The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach and an Independent People and Culture Specialist focusing on relationships, sexuality, youth and social media in South Asia. Have a query? Send it on firstname.lastname@example.org)
(To receive our E-paper on whatsapp daily, please click here. We permit sharing of the paper's PDF on WhatsApp and other social media platforms.)