No matter how people try to systematize everything with the help of statistics, some things are influenced by too many personal factors so that you cannot draw some definite conclusions and trace unambiguous correlation. Marriage refers precisely to such things. At what age should marry to have a high chance of a happy marriage? What age/profession/country of residence/zodiac sign puts you at risk of divorce? There are a lot of similar studies and articles, but in the end, your particular case remains the only reality for you, and then it is not at all vital whether it falls into the majority or is an exception.
Remember this when you think about important decisions in your life. Statistics can be curious, it can help you gain confidence that you are not alone in a particular situation, but you should not look back at the opinions of others when it comes to protecting your personal interests.
Although divorce is not stigmatized in the United States, many people still ask themselves the questions such as: “Is it normal to divorce, say, a couple of months after marriage? What does it look like? As if I am not able to bear responsibility and so I could not stand the first trial of marriage; as if I was thoughtless, and did not reflect at all before making a big decision? ” Or vice versa: “We have been together for 20 years, we have wonderful children, a cozy home, good friends and in general we look like a damn happy stock-photo-family! Yes, I feel that I live someone else’s life, and I take antidepressants from time to time. But a divorce at that age looks like a foolish whim. What am I going to say to the people?” Is this normal? For those, who doubt whether a similar decision is a “norm,” Online Divorce claims: “Divorce after 15 years of marriage is common in the US.” if you are curious about some facts and figures which may calm you and give some explanations to your situation, helping you with the big decision, here are they.
Modern tendencies. Divorce at a later age
Over the past 20 years, in the USA, the total number of divorces slightly but yet decreases in most states, in the others, it is at the same level; anyway, the rapid growth of divorce rates, which peaked in the 90s, remained in the past. However, at the same time, the number of people who divorce in their 40-50s and older has doubled over this period.
One of the factors is the increased average age of marriage. Now, people are getting married, mostly in their 30s. And if you compare this with the statistics, which asserts that 40% of marriages end within 15 years, and 48% – within 20 years (with only 20% of marriages ending within five years), it can be concluded that it is not so much a matter of age as of some of the most “risky” period, the particular stage of marriage which most often varies between 15 and 20 years of marriage.
Thus, the idea of divorce after 15 or more years of marriage (approximately at the age of 50s) became so common that, like a notorious “seven-year itch,” got its own name: gray divorce. But of course, this term hinting at some “advanced age,” seems to be not so good. The current life rhythm dictates its own rules, and even the World Health Organization has officially revised age norms. Now, the young age is the age from 25 to 44 years, and people in their 44 – 60s are middle-age. Well, what a “gray divorce” are we talking about? Most people who decide to divorce after 15-20 years of marriage admit that their choice was not spontaneous. Most often, they tried to keep their family together for some time, submitting to traditional values, worrying about how to raise children in a nuclear family, etc. But a moment comes when there is no longer the strength to maintain a traditional marriage at the expense of their own happiness. Awareness of how implacable and swift the time is, leads to the fact that a person – not actually elderly, but whole and committed, still full of energy and enthusiasm – does not agree to spend the rest of his/her life not as he/she dreamed. It is time to act decisively. And that’s what genuinely normal and natural.
Midlife crisis – marriage crisis?
It may seem that we advise you to jump the gun, but it’s not true. Coming back to the initial thesis, divorce is a very individual question, which, besides the duration of the marriage and the age of the spouses, is influenced by many factors, including complex psychological ones. And we are only trying to analyze some general trends that are correlated with age and conclude that in the end, the main thing is to listen to your heart and make this decision independently.
Thus, we recall another term that is usually closely related to the causes of divorce – “the midlife crisis.” But is a midlife crisis always a marriage crisis? And does a crisis always mean the end? Let’s sort it out.
Psychological theories, in general, suggest that a mid-life crisis arises on the border between maturity and aging, as a solution between “fertility” and “stagnation.” That is, at this stage, a person, by virtue of his character and unique life experience, as if decides to bloom or to wilt. If a person is delighted with their life, has a passion for his work and mutual understanding on the part of loved ones, if he/she combines professional, intimate, family and social life spheres harmoniously, successfully juggling them, switching attention and efforts from time to time, then the crisis will most likely won’t touch him/her. This is not a verdict, not a mandatory stop.
However, those who are faced with a midlife crisis are also quite a few. And in the end, this phenomenon should be taken into account even to those whose life develops well. A crisis is not always a sign of misfortune or failure; it is just an “imbalance” from which no one is immune.
In the middle of your life, you may want to reconnect with parts of the self, with something that has been lost, forgotten, or you may simply succumb to nostalgia. It may be the desire to return your community, your culture, your family as it was before, your relationship, your dreams.
Thus, a midlife crisis can be closely linked to a marriage crisis, that is, it can cause it. A partner who faces a mid-life crisis feels insecure, and this always affects the relationship. Questions that torment such a person – like, “What did I miss? Did I make the right choice? How much time is left to have time, to enjoy, to achieve something important? Will there be something new in life? – are often taken personally by his/her partner. Then it is difficult to avoid conflicts, and the insecurity and doubts are transferred to the spouse.
Men are most often afraid of old age, death, loss of power and authority. Women, experiencing a midlife crisis, are most often doubt because of lost opportunities. Especially, if in the family mainly the woman was engaged in raising children. When they grew up, she might feel that her work was done, and her personal life now opens in an exciting, even seductive way. But both for men and women, the root of the crisis is a long-time inattention to their own needs (submission to a particular social role). People who are familiar with such a situation, regardless of gender, are more are more likely to be drawn toward radical changes in middle age.
Therefore, before filing for divorce, it is worth understanding whether one of you is experiencing a similar crisis and whether you are ready to treat the situation with understanding. Understanding and accepting a situation does not mean enduring and suffering. This is about supporting some changes that are necessary for a partner and expressing your aspirations just as honestly. Know each other all over again, and re-interest each other, as it already happened many years ago. If love, friendship, and respect are alive, the crisis may become a new stage in the development of the relationship – your second youth. But if you do not have such a desire or the “renewed” spouse is not the one with whom you want to live your golden years, be frank. You both still have time and the right to new happiness.
Online Divorce believes that the most respectful way to terminate the marriage is a straightforward and quick uncontested divorce without mutual blaming and numerous court battles. A divorce is never a super-pleasant event, but it can be affordable and less stressful at any age (no matter whether the spouses have children, big assets, property, business, an so on.) onlinedivorce.com offers to handle it online, with minimal hassle.
Appreciating your time and nerves, we believe it is possible to start fresh with dignity.
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