Candid Corner: How not to get ghosted

Candid Corner: How not to get ghosted

Aili SeghettiUpdated: Friday, June 04, 2021, 08:58 AM IST
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Q: I am single and date women I meet online through the apps. My interactions with them are very long. I chat to them for a couple of months and then I get their numbers and we interact for another four months. Every time I get to meet one, I get ghosted the following day. I don’t know what happens but after the meeting, they block me and never get in touch again. How can I make this better?

Ans: I think you are doing pretty well for yourself! Most men in the online world of dating never cross the chatting stage and are left ghosted after a line or two. You clearly know how to talk to a woman and keep her engaged and that’s a rare skill these days. What you are describing however has probably got to do with your mannerism, body language and cues.

Dating is a form of intimate communication and communication is made of messages given by not just words but also tone, body language and facial expressions. They say that messages get across 7% with words, 38% with the tone, 55% with your body and face language. Perhaps you are an introvert, you get nervous in person and your online and phone interactions help you mask the awkwardness you express with your body and face.

In this case, you need to hold on to the attractive characteristics you display during remote interactions. Before meeting a girl next, find out what they find attractive about you. Get four to five characteristics and study how these are expressed in gestures, facial expressions and overall behaviour. For example, if they say they like you because you are kind, showcase it during the date by holding the elevator door, leaving a tip, bringing flowers, etc. Check out videos of kind facial expressions and practice.

Sometimes physical hiccups such as body odour, bad breath, excessive sweating, inappropriate grooming can also make people back off, not just women. We date with an intimate horizon in mind and it’s normal to want to be attracted with all senses to the person we are meeting. Go through online grooming and styling advice before your next date or find a dating surrogate who can help you identify the issue without ghosting you. You are very close to the finishing line!

The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com)

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