Agony Aunt

Updated on: Saturday, January 11, 2020, 09:18 AM IST

Tea & Therapy: Groom’s grief


Snappy sportsperson

I used to play professional hockey at National level from my school until few months ago. I suffered from a serious injury and since then have not been able to go back on field. Doctors have all suggested that I quit the game and focus on physiotherapy completely so that there isn’t a relapse as the muscles are still tender. Both the wait and the possibility of not being able to play again are bothering me to no end. I snap very easily and everyone around me finds me grumpy. What can I do?

I am sorry to hear about your injury. I believe for a passionate player like you this must be one of the toughest times of your life to recover from an injury and also hope that the end result of the recovery helps you get back on the field as well.

Your mood being grumpy and you getting snappy at others is probably the result of underlying fear and frustration. Speaking to a sports psychologist could be a beneficial step in order to get a better understanding about your situation as well as learn how to have a better hold over your emotions so that it doesn’t hinder the recovery process.  

Dating a ‘ghost’?

I got onto a dating app three months ago. It was going well initially as I got to talk to new people and found it quite interesting. I finally met someone two weeks ago and thought he was someone I would like to date. We met few times and he also showed inclination each time we met. But for the last three days we haven’t spoken, I tried contacting him and he hasn’t replied to any of those attempts. I am not sure what to make out of this and feel very stupid to be on this app in the first place. I don’t think talking to my friends would also help as they might mock me. What can I do?

Dating apps can be unpredictable when it comes to whether or not people would be consistent in responding or communicating. You have done all that you can to try and get in touch with him and now it’s essential to let him respond when he can without you making anymore attempts.

It also appears that his silence has led to few questions about how you view yourself. You were on this app for an experience and experiences come in various ways. This doesn’t reflect how you are as a person and definitely doesn’t define you as being stupid.

Giving it sometime for clarity to appear could help you. There could be something going on his part which could be keeping him from communicating as he usually does, could be an alternative thought, provided it isn’t used as an excuse by you.   

Hitting reality

I recently found out that I was adopted when I was two years old. We were in the process of moving houses and I came across the adoption papers and I was faced with reality. I am 26-years-old at the moment and feel like my entire life has been a lie. I haven’t confronted my parents yet about this but each time I think of doing so I experience so much anger. I also think about my birth parents and if they are alive or not. I don’t know what to think anymore.

It appears to be a ground shifting reality for you and undoubtedly led you to thinking so many things at the same time. It’s important that we narrow down what needs to be addressed first so that you don’t get overwhelmed easily.

Speaking to your parents about what you know might evoke a lot of emotions from you as well as them.

However, narrate your feelings to them as honestly as possible so that there is transparency. When they speak, listen patiently so that your unasked questions are also answered.

Further whatever you wish to do with respect to finding about your birth parents can be discussed with a professional who can help you identify the difference between impulsivity and a response to the given situation.

Groom’s grief

I am soon going to get married to my long term girlfriend. As the day is getting closer, I am feeling that there is immense pressure on me to be a certain way by our families. I am being questioned about my whereabouts more often, critiqued for talking to my female friends and all hell broke loose when I uploaded a picture with a female friend on social media in order to wish her for the birthday. My partner understands but this family pressure is driving both of us insane. How do I deal with this?

I understand that with all the wedding preparation you must also be swarmed with your daily routine issues and this additional stressor could be overwhelming. Since both you and your partner are on the same page maybe a joint discussion with the family members that expresses how you feel is important.

Conveying the frustration is more important than proving your family wrong. Their actions might seem logical to them however, in order to create an understanding you may have to keep aside reactivity.

Also, drawing healthy boundaries around your relationship and making others around you aware about can also help. MINDTEMPLE


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Published on: Sunday, January 12, 2020, 07:00 AM IST