Pampered son

Problems with father

My father and I share a very strained relation. He is a very dominating and authoritative. Everybody at home gets scared of him except me, which is what causes friction between us. He has always made me feel unimportant, hopeless and looked down upon me. Even after I finished my masters degree he expected me to join his business. But I wanted to do a job and stand on my own feet. Most parents would encourage this and feel proud of their child, unlike my father. I can’t keep living like this. His taunts and behaviour hurt me and other members of my family. What should I do?

The situation looks tense. Nobody shod or wants to live in fear. But you must understand that your father may be the way he is cause probably his own father would have been tough with him. Of course this is no reason for him to be the same with you all but he may not know better ways of communication. I would suggest you seek help from a professional and go for family counselling. It will help mend relations and reduce yours as well as others stress. Just remember that a parent can never wish for something bad for their child. But sometimes parents and child misunderstand each other and ruin relations. I am sure you and your father love each other. So give is as many tries as it takes but resolve the conflicts to have a loving family life in the future.

Pampered son

My son is 4 years old. I live in a joint family with my in-laws and brother-in-law and his wife. My son being the only child in the house is thoroughly pampered by all. This is making it difficult for me to discipline my son. If I say no for something he straights runs to mother-in-law or brother-in-law as he knows they will give him whatever he wants. He was already very hyperactive and with this pampering he is become very stubborn and aggressive. I have been getting complains from school about his aggressive behaviour where he bites or hits other children in class. My mother-in-law refuses to change and continues to go against my decision all the time. And it’s been cause problems in our relations. What should I do?

Pampering is a common problem in joint families. Having contradicting rules makes the child learn to manipulate and lie to get his way out. Also the child will use differences between members to their advantage. When it comes to a point where you think things are getting out of control in disciplining your child, you must put your foot down. Your family may find you rude, stubborn and dominating. Once your child starts to grow they will see that he is well-mannered and disciplined and will understand your behaviour. What must be most important to you is your child’s welfare.

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