#MentalHealth: Dealing with study pressure, and resentment towards dad… Dr Anjali Chhabria helps find a solution

I am student hailing from Hyderabad. I recently secured admission in a prestigious college for my undergrad after months of preparations and hard work. Everyone has been telling me I am lucky to get through and that I should be take this seriously and not mess up. I am quite fatigued with the preparations and these comments just make me dislike the college now. What can I do to not be too affected by all this?

Ans: Your frustration is quite evident from the way you expressed you have started disliking something you really worked hard for. Focusing on what made you chose this college and what you intend to achieve is important so as to not lose sight of what’s essential. What others have to say will always be subjective as you will have very little control over them. But your reactions are within your control and responding with ‘I am glad you are concerned, but I have got it covered,’ would help more than reacting negatively.

Two years ago, my father took a personal loan to clear some debts, and he didn’t inform anyone at home. He passed away last month and I got to know about the debts and loan while clearing the accounts and paperwork. We are still in debt for almost 3 lac and I am the only earning member. At times I feel extremely angry for the way we have to live because of his poor financial management and then it is followed by guilt. What should I do?

Ans: I am sorry for your loss. Feelings are way complex than they appear at surface level. We are taught to feel a certain way for our parents, and if we feel otherwise, guilt sets in as it is not acceptable socially. Consider talking to a therapist as there are few issues that need resolution. Coping with father’s death, the debt and loan, being the sole earner in the family and shouldering all the responsibilities must be quite a challenge. Speaking to a therapist will help you process these changes with some ease and also address the guilt.

I am a mother of a two-year-old boy and we also have four-year-old dog. We have been happy so far with this little set-up. Recently, a lot of people around started asking if we have plans for having a second baby, and if yes, we should do it soon as we are getting older. I am not sure whether I would like to consider another baby. My husband and I don’t have siblings, and feel that our baby can benefit if there’s a sibling. But we also need to consider everything else as well. I am confused. Please help.

Ans: I understand that the confusion is fuelled a lot by what others around are saying as well as your own personal experience of being an only child. Now whether or not to have a second child has to be answered keeping aside the notion that it will help your first child. It will be raising another baby along with the two existing ones. So, think over it in a way that helps you look at the scenario wherein you will be expending energy and resources for another child and do so only if there seems to be bandwidth for it. You both could speak to those who have two kids to gain added perspective.

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