Agony Aunt helps you to deal with the problems in relationships

Afraid

I am a 26 year old girl. My older sister got married 3 years back to a guy who was not approved by our parents. He came from a family that wasn’t as financially stable as us and wasn’t very educated. The marriage lasted only 6 months after which they got divorced and my sister came back home. My parents and others often said that the boy had somehow played on my sister’s vulnerabilities and tricked her into marrying him. There is a boy in my life right now who likes me and even I have feelings for him, but I am afraid that if I fall in love with him, he will trick me into doing things that I wouldn’t normally do. Please help as I don’t know what to do.

Ans: It takes two to tango; you cannot entirely blame the man for the relationship not working out. No one can force a person to fall in love with them, if that was true everybody would use that magic, as every one of us like being loved by all. Similarly the boy cannot lure you to fall for him unless you let him; you allow the relationship to start. If you have positive feelings for this boy then you developed these feeling for something that you liked about him. Yes there might be minor difference which many of us have and still if both the persons work towards maintaining the relationship as it means something to them, then things work out for good. You need not anticipate negative consequences and take decisions based on the same. There is no guarantee that the man you marry in an arranged set up will definitely treat you like a princess and agree with everything you want. Every relationship has hardship one needs to work on it keep in mind of how much they love the other person. If you think you love him enough you should go ahead and try to work things out. You can learn from your sister’s mistake of why did they relationship didn’t work and probably try to prevent the same happening to you, but you cannot rationally avoid all relationships fearing they won’t work, just because it didn’t work for your sister.

Boring, robotic life

My boyfriend and I were in the same college, we volunteered for the same organisation and everyone over there claimed we were the perfect couple. However, he has now gone abroad for his further studies and I am working in my own country. Things are not the same because we hardly get to talk as he is busy there and I am busy here. I did not have many friends apart from him and now I feel lonely in this country. He seems to be enjoying and partying there. Whereas, I feel I am living a boring, robotic life. What do I do to make myself feel better?

Ans: Until your boyfriend was with you never felt the need to make friends with others and thus now that he is not in your country with you, you suddenly feel the void that is making you feel extremely lonely. You need to feel this void up and you can do this by making some friends and finding ways to entertain yourself. You are still very young is you are pursuing college means you still have a huge platform to make new friends. It is easy if you approach someone of similar interest in your class or probably around your campus and being friends with him/her means you can also hang out with his/her groups of friends eventually and thus you have different day different plan goings in for you. In this age of social media making friends is easy if you willingly approach them. Mean while till you make friends, you can pursue some passion that you always didn’t have time for, probably something creative or spending time on your health care like going for a swim or sports that is helping you to stay busy and not get bored.

Need a break

I am so consumed in my life that now I do not know where to go. I had so many friends before, but now I have lost all of them because I am so busy and because I do not keep in touch with them. I am so busy running behind money that now I have forgotten the meaning of happiness, friends and family. I know I am wrong and I really want to get back on track, but I do not know how to go about it. I already have my commitments and I feel I have burdened myself with everything, that now I do not have the time to enjoy the small things in life. I feel lost and lonely. Please help me.  

Ans: What you badly need is time out or just takes a break from your work. The world doesn’t stop revolving if you die, meaning even if you do not work for few days your company will not drown. You can definitely sit back and relax and take a breather for yourself. Reunite with your passion and connecting back to your friends has never been so easy, with today’s social media you can hunt them down and approach them again. Henceforth try to maintain a good work home balance as you do not want to feel this remorse again, and that’s the reason, one most important thing that keeps your sanity going is to develop passion. For instance, it can be from a small thing like reading to a bigger plan like adventure and travelling, you must keep your passion going in order to rejuvenate yourself. All you need is to do something that makes you happy, something that you want to do rather than have to do, there is a difference as the later will always make you feel stagnated after a point while your passion will always help you feel content.

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