Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Socially inactive

My father passed away few months ago. He was an honest person all throughout his life and maintained good relationships with people. I on the other hand turned out to be socially very reserved and shy. Post his death, all those people who knew him now turn to me for any help, advice or requirement in their lives. I am caught in a situation where I can’t turn them down but also can’t keep continuing to take the legacy of my father further. It is making things very stressful for me and I don’t want to spoil my father’s reputation by being selfish nor do I wish to continue living selflessly for others all the time. 

Ans: There is a struggle between what you want to be and what others expect out of you. It is important to realise that in order to be what others expect out of you, you would require the necessary qualities as well. You mentioned being shy and reserved which might be causing you to not entertain a lot of people at a social level. You can start by deciding your comfort level first while working with people who your father used to work with earlier. The number of people who can talk to on daily basis or if you can delegate the work to others who you know can handle things well, are few ways in which you can ease out things for yourself. This way you will be less likely to take on a lot of things at the same time and be less stressful as well.

Interview and anxiety

I am a 3rd year student in an engineering college. They soon start campus placements and I am getting worked up as one of my friends from other college doing the same course as I got an amazing opportunity to intern at my dream company. I am really concerned about the placements now because the company is very particular about the college you belong to and your grades. I want to be clear headed while giving interviews. How do you suggest I go about?

Ans: First thing is to shift the focus from what your friend has achieved to what your capabilities are. This shift in focus will help in believing in self and putting in 100% towards the interview. The concern and worry is about whether you will get the internship like your friend did which might cause hindrance in your interview preparation. Thus, keeping aside the fact that your friend got the placement, if you are confident in convincing them as to why they need you on board as an intern, things might go well in the interview and get you the placement you dreamt of.

When other’s matter affects you

My best friend’s parents went through a divorce recently and she hasn’t taken it too well. She pours out her woes onto me whenever she is feeling low and I can’t help but be there for her as she is in need of support. I am slowly realising that I am doing it out of guilt and sympathy rather than genuinely. This is affecting me as well. I am not sure how long I will be able to continue this way. I don’t want the friendship to end on a sour note.

Ans: There is a hint of you quitting on the relationship already as you are simply dragging it for the sake of your friend and out of guilt. It is important to let your friend know that the help she is seeking from you is not something you are equipped with and some professional can better help her deal with the issues. This might lead to friction but it is important to let her know rather than you slowly cutting off or reaching your threshold point and letting things get difficult between the two of you. The relationship might undergo a change but it may be the best course of action so that you don’t get affected negatively due to your friend’s issues and your friend isn’t let down by a support she was counting on.

Mother-daughter conflict

I am a 25-year-old girl, working and doing well for myself. I have been having constant fights with my mother lately over trivial issues. She comes across as being very reactive to whatever I do or say. I request for space in life which she regards as me being aloof and distancing myself. I am at loggerheads with her constantly. I wish to resolve this at the earliest as she is important to me and being in a constant tussle with her just doesn’t seem right. Do you think we both should counselling?

Ans: There is need for some intervention between the two of you as things do not seem to be pleasant for either of you. The love that both of you share is being side-lined in the fights as both of you might end up saying things that you might regret later. Counselling individually and then together might be a good start as it will give you space to discuss your issues separately as well as jointly. intervention from a third party (counsellor) will bring in a non-judgemental and an unbiased opinion in the discussion helping you both see things objectively.

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