Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Continuous Criticism

My mother is a person who constantly nags me and finds faults in whatever I do. She is never satisfied with my achievements and always points fingers at me. She insults me in front of guests and I feel ashamed because I never know what she may say about me. My mother has never understood me and she neither makes an effort. I do not remember sitting with her and having a decent conversation. We always argue and sometimes I wonder if I am really her biological son because she treats me really badly. This usually makes me feel depressed and low. What do I do?

Ans: The connect between a mother and son is very sacred and for your mother to have such bitter feelings about you , surely points to some kind of distressful sign, whether it is her or you that is causing such bolt of negative situations is the question. To understand this better you must try to talk this out with her as rationally as possible, without taking things personally and without being judgemental about the situation. Try to get to the root of the problem instead of getting into blame, which undoubtedly she may do more as she seems to have certain negative thoughts lined up against you but you need to hear her what calmly and as hurtful as it may be to get to the core you have to deal with this and then think where is this discontent feeling toward you is stemming from. Let her vent out and you express your feelings too, be honest with how her hurtful comments leaves you in shame and tears fearing her relationship with you. Preferably have this conversation along with a witness, who can get things in control just in case you’ll escalate with your expression of feelings. Seek a professional help if you think that you are not able to handle the situation any further.

Distressed Daughter

My ex-wife and I have been divorced since the past year and we have an 8 year old daughter together. I have the custody of my child, however, being a single father to a growing daughter has been very tough. I have seen my daughter cry silently and sometimes she wakes up with tears in her eyes. Recently, I have observed that she has started bed-wetting again, very often. Also her teacher had called us and complained that most of the time she is day dreaming in the class and she unconsciously passed urine in the classroom, as she did not realise what she was doing. She has no friends in school and is always very aloof. I am worried for her and I do not know what to do about this. Her mother left us for another man and I know that she will never come back. Please guide me on how to go about this with my daughter.

Ans: It seems like your daughter needs help, and you must seek help for her as soon as possible. From what you described it looks like she could be suffering from a form of anxiety or depression which can be followed as a result of her mother leaving her. It must be a sudden change for her, adjusting to which can be very difficult for a child as a lot of time the child is clueless of the situation and unexpectedly they have to deal with the whole negative situation. Often children begin to blame themselves for the separation of the parents, it depends on how much of the reality was told to your daughter. You can begin by trying to talk to her, instead of starting to correct her and see her reactions as the sign of distress rather than misbehaviour. You need to let her open up and share with you, in order to get that you’ll have to be a good listener, try to explain her the situation, and try and replace her bad times with happy memories. If you think you are not able to cope with this too, it will be best to get a professional opinion, where in the child psychologist can guide you how to deal with her as it may be more severe than you assume.

Hope for a better future

I love to explore and as a child I always had the dream to travel. Now I am a working man, but I am not earning enough to actually fund any of my holidays. I usually see all my classmates and workmates enjoy and post pictures on social media websites and it makes me feel very depressed and envious. I feel bad that I am not able to do anything about my passion because of my low income. I do not like social media because I see that other people are having lots of fun and I am just struggling in my life. I want to travel and enjoy my life. What do I do?

Ans: You should not lose hope and your dream of travelling can still be fulfilled. What you can do is register yourself with different travel companies. These companies do not charge much and you do not even need peers to go for this as there will be a group of people who love travelling as much as you do. You should speak to people and find out more about travelling and the cheaper options available.  You could also monetise your passion for travelling by helping out during weekends as a guide/ travel instructor. You can begin with seeing local places and gradually you could start seeing foreign locations too.

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