Frustrated & lonely
I am a 29 year old woman. I have been married for the past 3 years and have no children. I live with my in-laws. My husband is a businessman and travels a lot. When he is in town he seems very distracted and disinterested in me and my feelings. I have nothing much to do except for usual household chores. Off late I have been feeling very lonely. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life. Please help me. I am completely lost. I don’t know what to do.
Hello. It sounds like you are feeling frustrated about the situation as things do not seem to be moving forward. It is possible that your husband has been very busy or tensed about his work. Thus, he is unable to devote much time to his other priorities. It is important that you talk to him and understand the reason for the change. Try to state your expectations and/or what is bothering you. Try to avoid blame games and pointing out his mistakes. Also, try and notice if you end up paying attention to the things he did not do (which he should do) more while overlook the things he is trying to do (making efforts towards you and marriage). It may be a good idea to get involved in hobby activities, social/friend circle and/or work and be more preoccupied during the day. This is because sometimes, it is possible that one may not be very busy in their daily routine and feel the need to depend upon others to attend to your every or small needs. You both can talk about a short trip that you may take soon or plan a romantic day/weekend to try and reconnect with each other. Sometimes, couples get stuck in a mundane schedule and the relationship tends to lose its spark or excitement. Thus, you can try and take the initiative and make plans or surprise him. You can think of activities that you both can do together such as cooking a meal together on a weekend, going for walks/ exercise and so on. You can also talk to your husband about starting a family. Try not to become negative and/or lose hope. If things still remain unsettled, you must see a Psychologist to help you both address the possible personality and marital issues.
I am a 23 year old MBA student. My elder brother was the university topper in his course. Because of this my parents are putting additional pressure on me to perform as well as he did. I have always been an average student and I think they want more than what I am capable of. I already have enough stress as this course is very hectic. This added pressure from my parents makes me want to give up everything and run away. They don’t seem to understand my point of view. What should I do?
Hi. It is difficult to deal with academic stress and parental pressure at the same time. It is very natural for parents to want their kids to excel in whatever they do. However, sometimes they may unknowingly put pressure on their children and set high goals for them. Your parents expect you to perform as well as your brother while you feel you are doing your best already and cannot do more. It is possible that your parents might think that you are making excuses as when your brother can do it, then why cant you! Also, sometimes keeping you parents up to date about your study plan is helpful. They will be aware of your efforts and the corresponding exam results or tests marks. They will begin to understand that you are truly doing your best. Sometimes, kids also take pressure when the parents are only trying to encourage or motivate their children to do better. Try and see if that is the case and try not to worry too much. Also, give them time to accept your strengths and weaknesses in this course and things are likely to get settled. You can try and explain to them the demands of your course, the required or desired results in this course for a better job/career prospect and that you will achieve that. Also try and tell them that it is putting additional pressure on you which is causing you to stress. You can continue with your study plan to the best of your capacity. You could also talk to your brother about it and ask him to mediate.