Dr. Shrirang Bakhle tells why unhappiness is also important in your life.
Everything in the human body has a purpose. Unhappiness -sadness, fear and anger – are the unpleasant emotions present in our mind. So how can they be useless? But then what is the ‘use’ of these unpleasant emotions?
When problems come, we become unhappy (sad, fearful or angry). That unhappiness motivates us to solve the problem that has caused it. For example, you find some untidy mess in your bedroom. You become unhappy. That will motivate you to go and tidy up the mess. But suppose you were not bothered about it and did not become unhappy, you will probably ignore it and not put in all the efforts to tidy it up. Thus the unhappiness has a ‘use’: motivating us to solve the problem that has caused the unhappiness. So, some unhappiness can be considered as essential!
We can think of the unhappy emotions – sadness, fear, anger – as watch dogs. Whenever they encounter a problem, they start barking vociferously to attract our attention towards the problem. Then the owner comes out, asks the dogs to become quiet and tackles the problem that started the pandemonium. So far so good.
But sometimes, these unpleasant emotions become too intense, too prolonged and too dominating. They themselves become another problem – apart from the original problem that caused them. They literally cripple the thinking and functioning. And, being unpleasant, the sadness, fear and anger make the life miserable. Sometimes these can even lead to mental problems such as depression, anxiety and bitterness / anger. In the worst cases, the unpleasantness becomes so unbearable that the person contemplates ending the life to escape from the intense unpleasant brooding going on in the mind. People who contemplate suicide may blame various problems and people for the suicide. But the final cause is the intense miserable feeling in the head. If, somehow, they are able to overcome that intense unhappy emotion, they can go back to living and manage the problem in their lives.
Sometime or the other, everyone comes into the grip of sadness, fear or anger that disables the ability to think and function for some time. People get into an unpleasant ‘mood’ that persists for some time.
They get into the “Oh-my-god-what-a-big-problem” attitude!
Suppose, a person becomes sick. So he become unhappy. He starts thinking about all the problems associated with the situation: “Oh, no! This severe back pain had to happen now – when I have so much important work to do. That bag I took was too heavy. I won’t be able to deliver that job on time. Then my boss will be very angry. Taking leave will hamper my chances of promotion.” And so on and on! “I won’t be able to carry my young child. Then my wife will be overburdened. I will have to take so many medicines. I hate taking medicines. I hope I don’t have to get admitted.” Then he thinks, “Oh, no! This back pain had to happen now …” And then the whole unpleasant unhappy thinking cycle goes through his mind again and again! Thus, when faced with the problem, he gets into an unpleasant ‘mood’ and keeps on brooding about and counting all the problems.
While so much thinking is going on, he forgets to call up and visit the doctor!
This is the classic “Oh-my-god-what-a-big-problem” attitude! The person emotionally keeps on thinking again and again, “OMG, I have such a big problem! OMG, I have such a big problem!” But, he forgets to take the steps to solve the problem! So he suffers the unpleasantness of the negative emotions for a longer time and is unable to manage the problem well.
The opposite of this pattern of thinking is the “What-can-I-do-about-it?” attitude. In this, the person gets into the same problem: severe back pain. Naturally, he, too, becomes unhappy. But he manages to contain the unhappiness. The barking unpleasant emotions do their job of alerting the master. Then the master quietens them, becomes calm and takes charge of the situation. Coolly, he assesses the situation and thinks: “What can I do about it? Can I solve the problem? Can I, at least, reduce the severity of the problem? Can I take steps to prevent this problem form troubling me in future? If I cannot solve the problem, can I adapt and change myself, so that the problem doesn’t trouble me emotionally?”
His whole focus is on the various steps that need to be taken. And he does it fairly calmly. So he is more efficient in minimizing the complications of the problem. This is the “What-can-I-do-about-it?” Attitude.
Whenever you feel caught in the grip of unhappiness, think: Am I doing the “OMG-what-a-big-problem!” type of thinking? Then it is time to get into the “What-can-I-do-about-it?” attitude!
