Father’s extramarital affair
I am a 15-year-old girl and I just learnt that my father is having an affair. I got to know this a few days ago when I happened to glance at his phone. I am not sure what I should do in this situation. We live in a joint family which is conservative. I don’t know how to break this news to everyone without fearing that everything will come crumbling down. I personally do not encourage such behaviour, but I understand I have to be practical here as my anger towards him might only worsen the situation.
I am sorry to hear about your plight, and I also believe, keeping things to yourself could result in a lot of stress. Firstly, get the picture clear from your father about your discovery so that there is no misunderstanding.
Secondly, your fear that everything will come crumbling down is based on how conservative your family is, which indicates a lack of support. However, to resolve things, it is essential for an adult’s intervention, so that things don’t become difficult for you to handle.
Single & sidelined
I am a 43-year-old divorced lady and have recently moved into a rented apartment. Off late, I have been sensing tension from the other tenants in the building. I may be speculating here, but it strongly feels that my marital state is the core reason for the tension. Last evening, there was a meeting for tenants in our society, to decide about the upcoming Diwali party, and I realised they would give less importance to my ideas saying that they prefer family inclusion in the celebration and that my ideas were more individualistic. How do I break the ice here?
Sometimes our speculations about certain things might result into reading a lot between the lines. The tension noticed amongst the building tenants possibly due to your marital status needs some factual backing. In order to break the ice, you could start interacting with your immediate neighbours as you are to live in their close proximity.
Also, your marital status is a very personal topic and if others make you feel uncomfortable, you can always pick and choose who amongst those people you would like to establish a cordial relation.
Into Career soup
I studied commerce in my 11th and 12th grade, but soon realised it isn’t my cup of tea. Somehow, I scored decent marks in 12th and have now taken a year off to figure out my next step. I am very scared that I might not be able to find anything worth my time and capacity.
This could also be the result of how my immediate and extended family views this decision to be very unconventional and negative. None of them have ever deviated from the mainstream education and hence are sceptical about my decision. What should I do to figure out a way out of this and settle in a career?
First and foremost, the question is whether you strictly wish to follow a certain timeline in terms of career or you are okay with uncertainties. Since you have already taken a call for a gap year to figure out the way ahead, charting down what needs to be planned is important.
You could opt for career counselling and aptitude testing which could help narrow down the options that are based on your interests, aptitude as well as personality.
A fairly balanced score for certain professions on these three fronts is important as it helps make an effective career choice. Also, taking off and figuring out things is much better than following the herd and landing up in something you are not comfortable with.
Simple life vs costly wife
I am a 38-year-old man, and currently hold a well paying, high stress job. I desire to transfer to a lower paying job, which is less stressful. However, my wife insists I continue with my current job as I am qualified for it. She has an expensive taste, while I believe in living a simple life. Off late, we have been having a lot of arguments regarding this topic. I am not sure how do I go about convincing her about my mental health and the toll that the job which is stressful is taking on my mental as well as physical well-being. Please give me advice regarding this.
Your mental well-being is very important and must not be compromised to an extent that it reflects in stressful reactions and bouts of anxiety. You and your wife seem to be on a different page when it comes to your choice of work.
She may be right in terms of underutilisation of your potential when you step down from your current job. However, an understanding needs to develop on her part about the reason behind your decision.
This should also help in reducing the disagreements that take place between both of you.
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