Revolver Ranee: Out of the box?

Seems like most ministers from this current government have passed out from 'Yale University' mentally and I actually wonder if it was a 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na' type graduation for them.

So first, we have a railway minister, whose visit to my dear city seems to bung a spanner in the works of Mumbai's lifeline. Bridges collapse, trains are late, major jam in services. Like the local trains and rail infrastructure are all privy to his presence and his theory of mathematics and gravity hang in the air, like his thoughts.

I mean what was his scene in school, ‘Taare Zameen Par’? Seemingly looking out of the window while Physics was being taught. A minister who mixes up his Newton and Einstein, getting his calculus wrong. But wait, he said great scientists did not begin by adhering to mathematic formulae. Yeah man, we know our basics and formulae.

We were thwacked on our tender knuckles to get these in place, wonder which lollipop he was given. Our mantri's theories are floating in the air like bubbles. You know, Goyal tops the list for sending Indians on moon mission! Let them float in the universe, we shall send Bhide for company, deadly science the duo will come up with.

The second to follow suit is none other than JNU alumnus Nirmalatai! What she talks is stomach-churning. Someone tell her please, a developed nation is NOT one in which its people buy more cars, but one wherein the rich opt for public transport. During which we mortals survive the rains, assault and battle economic crisis. All these Ashwinitai Bhides, Nirmalatais and Piyushbhais travelling in big backside cars, should be made to walk on our footpaths and travel by local trains.

Wait, let their sidekicks hail kaali-peelis which disappear faster than Phantom when asked to ply short distances, or bluntly refuse. Now tai-bai is blaming millennials' Ola and Uber mentality for having caused recession in the auto industry. Aho tai-bai, you are travelling in chauffeur-driven cars at our expense. Thanks to the millennial mentality, more people are being employed, contrary to your feudal mentality of having personal drivers. This is capitalism, no, so now, why are you seeing Red? 

But are Motabhai and visiting PM of ours concerned about the economy? They are busy disconnecting Kashmir from the rest of us. Wait, now the ultimate is one nation, one language. Aho, Mota bhau, jaoo dya, bajoo vha. Too much sanghi deja-vugiri happening. When was there an India with one language, one ideology and one culture? Ata maajhi satakli, BJP. All those headgears visiting PM wears for photu opportunity and selfies looks fine, eh? We love to show our multi-cultural and multi-coloured life. Why you want mono life? Then we shall judge these two men with monochrome lenses, NOT coloured, for the benefit of the doubt.

Nirmala Sitharaman
Nirmala Sitharaman

Now, Aarey papers too gaayab achanak! Remember the Mantralaya fire, it was Adarsh. Many documents have conveniently disappeared, allowing this land-grabbing government to say animals strolled into this forest land. And to douse all these fires, we have weathermen with head in the clouds.

What's with this IMD chief wanting to break 1954 record? Weatherman is giving Goyal a run for his money. People have died, marooned, city is sinking and weatherman is obsessed with the record. Don't jump, weatherman, at the heavy cloud cover, what sky gods will do no one knows, bust record plans like Vikram landing.

Meanwhile, some birdies whisper, analysts have run to tiger cousin's rescue, giving him solid reason to recuse from Assembly elections. Blame it on recession, they told him, sounds much better to say this rather than aho, candidate-ach naahit! Will miss, 'Laav re toh video aata'.

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